While fatigue, hormonal shifts as well as lack of a partner or crush object can all subtract from your sexual drive, here are some simple ways for women to add a little spark themselves:
1. Inhale and bring some energy down to your pelvis. Continue to breathe and focus your awareness in your sexual center. Use your imagination to turn yourself on. It may help to imagine something warm like a flame lighting up or imagine someone sexy touching you. Try this at random moments, for example while standing in line at the grocery store or at work. Reminding yourself of your sexuality can be a fun distraction and the more you do it the more your erotic self is given permission to exist.
2. Move it! A regular yoga practice boosts general vitality and there are plenty of hip-opening yoga routines on My Yoga Online that are particularly enlivening for the second chakra. Some stimulating yoga poses and dance moves include: standing, kneeling and sitting hip circles; butt and full-body circles; Kegels; bridge, pigeon, camel, lizard, child, cat, cow and frog poses and open leg stretches-- to name just a few.
3. What turns you on? Music, massages, the cutie who works in your office, the thrill of the chase, movies? Consult your senses and imagination for answers. It may help to consider what has fired you up in the past. Can you use this knowledge to bring yourself erotically up-to-date or is the past creating obstacles and unreasonable expectations? You may need to upgrade with lubricant, toys, lingerie, candles, and aromatherapy bubble baths. Our patterns of arousal and fulfillment can change across our lifespan.
4. While Fifty Shades of Grey has reportedly rejuvenated women around the world, if BDSM is not your thing, don’t despair. Check out the romance and erotica section at your nearest bookstore. There is tons of erotic thematic variety—historical, foreign, intrigue, faux Jane Austen, small business owners, vampires, shape-shifters, Amish, pirates, ranchers, single parents, veterans, Anais Nin. There are also some interesting sex manuals available. Do some first-hand research to see what ignites you. It may be what you would guess or something entirely surprising!
5. If you are with a steady partner and these techniques don’t get you excited, ask yourself if there is some unexpressed tension in your relationship. Are you angry or resentful? While sex can be a great way to resolve tensions, you may not feel attracted to your partner unless you address particular concerns.
6. If you have children, do you feel that unless you are constantly in perfect, nurturing mommy-mode that you are failing somehow? Can you allow yourself to let that go, even a little, to restore your sexual self? If not, why not?
If you have tried all of these steps and you still feel less than you’d like, perhaps there are physical obstacles and it’s time to see a trusted health care provider. We all deserve joy and pleasure in life. How will you get yours?
Merryl Reichbach, LMSW, ACE, MA She is a Clinical Social Worker and art therapist with children, teens and their families. She also has a private practice as a certified holistic health counselor (graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition) ACE Certified Personal Trainer and loves integrating art, yoga, writing and dance into her life and her work.
Website: Jumping Woman Wellness