Arielle Ford on How to Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate

In Arielle Ford's new book Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate, learn about Wabi Sabi Love, tapping techniques, and other ways to build lasting love and intimacy once you've found your one and only.

Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate and find the love of a lifetime

Are you waiting to start your forever until the person you are with now finally starts doing the dishes every night and writing you love letters? Arielle Ford's new book Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate helps newlyweds, as well as couples who have been married for years or decades, continue their journey of manifesting and creating the dream relationship. With real-life stories and examples, she dives into the post-marriage moments of "what now?" or "what did I sign up for?" that often arise when the bubble bursts. She provides guidance to to help you find and foster the love of a lifetime.

Co-create a new soul story with your partner, rooted in kindness

Arielle reminds us that "when you come together, your souls are mutually creating a new story on earth that is influenced by the older stories that propel each of you forward." In essence, relationships don't have to be easy; they serve a deeper, more spiritual purpose. She also reminds us that kindness and love are transformative. She states that "being kind means being authentic" and that kindness needs to be cultivated, "as if you were building a new muscle". She reminds us to approach relationships with a sense of service and that we all have a fundamental desire to be heard and appreciated.

Still looking for your soulmate? Learn how to make a soul connection in this interview with Arielle Ford.

Q & A with Arielle Ford

Read our exclusive interview below with the woman behind the book, dubbed the "priestess of love" by Marianne Williamson.

Q: In your new book, you list many wonderful definitions of "soulmate", including definitions from Elizabeth Gilbert and Bob Marley. What is your favorite "mash-up" definition of a soulmate?

A: I believe a soulmate is someone to whom we feel a deep and profound connection. It is someone with whom we can completely be ourselves. Someone that we love unconditionally and who loves us unconditionally. A soulmate is someone who will often be our greatest teacher and our greatest source of growth.

Q: You write about how partners may present opportunities to help heal or bring up shadow work, rather than just providing a sense of ease or comfort. What do you mean by this?

A: I believe that soulmates help heal childhood wounds. Partners act as mirrors to the light and dark sides of yourself. When couples are in the honeymoon stage they don't want to hear what really happens in marriage - or how your soulmate comes with an owner's manual on how to push all your buttons. The good news is that this is normal and under loving guidance we become better versions of ourselves. Though growth is painful, your soulmate supports you in becoming the highest version of yourself.

Q: You mention a study that found the way people tell the story of how they met is an indicator of marriage success. Can you elaborate on this? What if two people have completely different stories of how they met?

A: What we tell ourselves becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The story you tell yourself can lift you up or pull your down. People who share the story of how they met enthusiastically are more likely to have successful marriages. However, having different stories is normal: we all view the world our own way.

Q: Do you have suggestions for people who tend to lose themselves in relationships?

A: That is why God invented therapists. If you have boundary and esteem issues, or tend to give too much or lose yourself in another person, I suggest working with a coach or therapist. That is not your soulmate's problem, it is your problem to work through.

Q: Your book explicitly references heterosexual relationships because you focus on what happens after you say "I do". How would you tailor your guidance for same-sex relationships?

A: I recently got an email from a gay psychologist who read my book and he said it altered his relationship with his partner. I did write this for women and while I was not sure how it would land with other communities, I believe it contains wisdom for everyone.

Q: You mention several challenges that are common among couples, including the topic of money. What is your advice for newlyweds who find their precious time together now infused with serious, adult conversations around budgets, mortgages, jobs, moves, and children?

A: I suggest separating them. Have a weekly date night without serious conversations. A routine where you take turn planning dates, whether it is a long walk or dinner out. Make a monthly appointment to review finances or other serious things and deal with things early on so they don't become a crisis. Dr. Gay Hendricks says, "Tell the absolute truth the moment you know it." Take responsibility and correct mistakes; that will create a foundation of trust.

Q: Many parts of your book remind me of the adage, "if you want a happy marriage, marry a happy person". Some people approach relationships or life expecting someone else to make them happy. What is the first step to taking responsibility for your own happiness?

A: Understanding that nobody else can make you happy. If you are already happy, being in a great relationship will make you happier. Your soulmate is not there to fix you. We are personally responsible for our own happiness. Somebody else can't force you to meditate or exercise, so why expect a person to show up and make all your problems go away? You are not going to be perfect - none of us are never going to get to perfection - but you have to love yourself enough. And know that there is a perfectly imperfect person who is your soulmate.

Q: In Chapter 7, you suggest inviting a third party into your marriage. Can you elaborate on this and why it is important?

A: I really think that when you invite God into your relationship, it creates a sacred container in which you both can grow and become more loving people. I love the idea of taking time to be grateful every day. For example, I mention one woman in my book who blesses her husband every day. Gratitude acknowledges the sacredness of your relationship. Then you don't take it for granted. Not everyone gets to experience that depth of love and devotion. Life is hard but better when you have someone to share it with and having a sacred union with your beloved is what life is about.

Learn ways to build lasting love and intimacy once you've found your one and only in Arielle Ford's new book Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate.

Arielle Ford is a leading personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a relationship expert, speaker, and producer. She is the author of ten books, including the international bestseller The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of your Life with the Law of Attraction.

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