Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it.

"I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals."

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off."

We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They always say, “Because it's such a beautiful animal.” There you go. I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.v

You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They always say, “Because it's such a beautiful animal.” There you go. I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.v

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.