Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

I am not personally a parent.  But I do have two godchildren and am expecting a third.  I am naturally concerned for their future.  If I ruled the world you could bet your boots that none of them would ever set their eyes on any such contraptions as digital clocks and pocket calculators.  But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life - always a godmother, never a God.

I must take issue with the term "a mere child", for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Nothing succeeds like address.

My favorite animal is steak.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.