Quotes by Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.