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Quotes by W. C. Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
Contributed by: Jordan. More quotes added by Jordan from all sources
More quotes about: humor, alcohol, drunk life
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I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: day
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks. Evidently had a low opinion of Philadelphia

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: babies, doctors, force, illness
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: horses, people
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Anyone who hates dogs and kids can't be all bad.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: children, dogs
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
Source: W. C. Fields, Rowdy King of Comedy, by Robert L. Taylor.
More quotes about: comedy, laughter
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: women
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
 
More quotes about: trust
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