Quotes by Scott Adams (Dilbert)

Stupid Person [talking to Dilbert, who must pass the test of withstanding stupidity]: "My computer screen says, 'Press any key to continue.' Can I borrow your keys? Mine are locked in my Yugo. I could break the driver's side window...But it's bad enough that the windshield is gone."

Pointy-Haired Boss [to Tina]: "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure. We've discovered our product causes hallucinations and sterility. See if you can put a positive spin on that."

Catbert, Evil Director of Human Resources [Talking to Pointy-Haired Boss]: "You don't need to reward employees. Just torture them less. It will feel the same as a reward."

Dilbert [in his cubicle]: I ask for so little. [Pause] And boy do I get it.

Asok the Intern: "I have a question about this document marked "Proprietary". If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I would find anyone who would care about it?"

Do you see this thimble? I keep my morale in it.

I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine.

Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking.

I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen. And that is having some of it returned.

Okay, let me explain this in the simplest possible way...you...are...an...idiot.