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When you hug someone you want it to be a masterpiece of connection, the way the button on his coat will leave the imprint of a planet in my cheek when I walk away.
the remembered image of a thing can have as much impact on the senses as the thing itself. It can also have a powerful effect on the body's physiology, a state of affairs that has been experienced firsthand by anyone who has ever felt their heart race after imagining hugging a loved one. Or anyone who has ever felt their palms grow sweaty after conjuring up the memory of some unusually frightening experience. At first glance the fact that the body cannot always distinguish between an imagined event and a real one seems strange, but when one takes the holographic model into account-a model that asserts that all experiences, whether real or imagined, are reduced to the same common language of holographically organized wave forms-the situation becomes less puzzling. Or as Achterberg puts it, "When images are regarded in the holographic manner, their omnipotent influence on physical function logically follows. The image, the behavior, and the physiological concomitants are a unified aspect of the same phenomenon".
Hugging till relaxed is elegant and simple. THe basics require four sentences: stand on your own two feet. Put your arms around your partner. Focus on yourself. Quiet yourself down - way down.
The real power of hugging till relaxed comes in realizing that it's both a window offering a clear view of the level of differentiation in your relationship and a useful tool for developing more differentiation. It's a perfect example of using touch to grow yourself up by learning to enjoy togetherness and separateness...
Differentiation is your ability to stand on your own two feet, physically and emotionally, when you are close to others. It allows you to stay close while your partner 'bounces off the wall.' If you can quiet yourself while your partner is flooding with anxiety, you don't have to move away or make him or her feel differently in order to control your own emotions. You can stay near - all you need to do is calm yourself down.
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