Quotes about Humor

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil?  How is it Extra Virgin? Either you've done it, or you haven't!

Actually, I'm working under cover in the evil PR field to learn the tricks and use them for good. Next stop: non-profit work.

They are souls of small children.  (Me explaining how the flowers in my hair stay fresh. Then laughing hysterically at the expression on people's faces.)  

Finally, we entered Chetaube County, my imaginary birthplace, where the names of the little winding roads and minuscule mountain communities never failed to inspire me: Yardscrabble, Big Log, Upper, Middle and Lower Pigsty, Chicken Scratch, Cooterville, Felchville, Dust Rag, Dough Bag, Uranus Ridge, Big Bottom, Hooter Holler, Quickskillet, Buck Wallow, Possum Strut … We always say a picture speaks a thousand words, but isn’t the opposite equally true?

"I'm not a man who constantly thinks up jokes. But I think it's very important to be able to see the funny side of life and its joyful dimension and not to take everything too tragically. I'd also say it's necessary for my ministry. A writer once said that angels can fly because they don't take themselves too seriously. Maybe we could also fly a bit if we didn't think we were so important."

If I had a penny for everything I love about you, I would have many pennies.

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor.

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

A working definition of Love:
                                                      Laughter
                                                      Order
                                                      Vision
                                                      Enjoyment

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.

Then I was eighteen again, literally, hitchhiking in a bewildering zigzag from Toad Suck Park, Arkansas, to Big Bone Lick State Park, Kentucky, to Hungry Mother State Park, Virginia, to Intercourse, Pennsylvania, through the Shenandoah Valley to Sweet Lips, Tennessee, and then on through the Bible Belt bound, as best I could tell, for Climax, North Carolina.

Don't take life too serious; it ain't nohow permanent.

"Love is my sword, goodness my armor, and humor my shield. "

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

I adopted a begging posture that suggested genteel poverty combined with a certain affable nonchalance. People found this irresistible. They lavished money on me. Within days I exceeded ten dollars an hour. I began to save money and even, following Blue’s lead, tithed to the less fortunate. I became less pessimistic, thought less about how cruel the streets can be. I actually considered begging a legitimate career possibility.

What we look squarely in the eye rarely bites us in the butt.

Attack life - it's going to kill you anyway.

I was born in Sri Lanka and moved to Australia in 1969 ...

.... an therefore you may like to read the book: IN A SUNBURN COUNTRY by Bill Bryson which i registered under category Education. You may look-up further information posted by StoneHarpMan at BookCrossing. com >

written for Ian Gardner: THE MYSTIC

The Folarians (such was their name) were a pacifistic people who believed in free will, free thought, free love, free land, free living, free rides, freeloading and freebies of all kinds. Bitter enemies of the Vegetarians, the Fruitarians (who lived exclusively on raw fruit), the Pietarians (or “New Fruitarians,” as they were sometimes called, who ate only raw fruit pies) and the Breatharians (who subsisted on air alone), the Folarians promoted a doctrine wherein eternal life was achieved by abstaining from all food sources save foliage—thus their name. Moreover, this foliage—whether leaves, stems or flowers—must already have fallen to the ground of its own accord. This way, eating only nature’s leftovers, the Folarians lived in perfect harmony with Mother Earth.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. • Avoid quiet and placid people, unless you are in need of sleep. • Rotate your tires. • Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss, and when. • Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. • Whenever possible, put people on hold. • Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer mainteinance.

Remember the Pueblo. • Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate. • Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. • Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you—that lemon on your left, for instance. • Be assured that a walk throught the ocean of most souls would scarecely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. • Gracefully surrender the things of youth—birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan—and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. • Hire people with hooks. • For a good time, call 606-4311... ask for Candy. • Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the Universe is laughing behind your back. • Therefore, make peace with your God, whatever you may percieve Him to be: hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin. • With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate.

Give up.

After a brief absence my hunger had returned like an old girlfriend, with a vengeance.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out I’d come to Perver City. Technically a suburb of New Age City, Perver City is where all the people who can’t make it in New Age City wind up.

My first instinct was to get a job—an idea immediately followed by a crippling wave of nausea. I literally vomited in a trashcan on the sidewalk where I’d been pleasantly window-shopping. I found the idea of a job repulsive. Life was too short to waste being a productive member of society. My job was my imaginary life, and I felt deeply I should be paid to live it.

New Age City was a cornucopia of Transsexual Breathwork, Colonic Hypnotherapy, Psychotic Readings, Women’s Foot Massage Circles, Men’s Menstrual Networks, Nymphomatic Drainage, Applied Tautology, Body Piercing for the Inner Child, Alternative Unbirthing, Soul Upheaval, Past Life Digressions … To say nothing of the extraordinary products available through independent distributors of network marketing companies: Self-esteem Creams, Psychic Gels, Clairvoyant Eyedrops, Aboriginal Aphrodisiacs, Ostrich Feather Energy Bars, Irradiated Healing Clays, Chai  Enemas …

One must appreciate life's little ironies, even at one's own expense.

Let’s begin a new literary movement. I don’t care what we call it. Let’s start writing novels for people who don't like novels. Because these days who can blame them? You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time. So let’s at least please ourselves.

     "We're all heading toward a brick wall.  What matters is how fast do you want to hit it?"

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again!