Quotes about Restaurants

Advising a rookie to avoid a popular restaurant: Nobody goes there anymore because it's always so crowded.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Regarding the Economy & Taxation: The record of economic success during the 1980's is clear: 18.6 million new jobs were created, increasing U.S. civilian employment by 20 percent. Only 12 percent of these jobs were in low-paid restaurant and retail areas, while 82 percent were in high-paid technical, managerial and professional areas. Once Reagan's tax cuts kicked in (fiscal year 1982), the country experienced 92 months of economic growth without a recession. This represented the longest period of sustained peacetime economic growth in American history. America's most successful achievers do pay a higher share of the total tax burden. The top one percent income earners paid 18 percent of the total tax burden in 1981, and paid 25 percent in 1991. The bottom 50 percent of income earners paid only 8 percent of the total tax burden, and paid only 5 percent in 1991. History shows that tax cuts have always resulted in improved economic growth producing more tax revenue in the treasury.

In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."

In some cultures, the sight of a woman's nose and mouth are considered irresistibly seductive. In others, the soles of a person's feet are perceived as disgusting beyond comprehension. In mainstream American culture, sex is obscene but violence is television fare for preschoolers. What is acceptable in swimwear is unacceptable in a restaurant. In an elevator we condone contact that would otherwise be actionable incriminal court. Rules of behavior are not absolute; we negotiate them constantly. . . . Immodesty, indecency, obscenity are cultural factors, mutually agreed upon and negotiable. We are enjoined to "cover our nakedness," but there's considerable disagreement about what our nakedness is. Our noses and mouths? The bottoms of our feet? A lack of trust or mutual respect?

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God . . . .I could be eating a slow learner.

Books are the perfect Time Machine. By the simple act of opening a book you can, in an instant, be travelling up a jungle river without once being bitten by mosquitoes, or you can almost die of thirst in the desert while holding a cold drink in your hand, or dine in the finest restaurants and never have to worry about paying the bill, or ride the wild country of our western frontier and never worry about losing your scalp to a raiding party.

Our awareness of time affects how we think and act. This is illustrated by the story about the clock in a restaurant window. It "had stopped a few minutes past noon. One day a friend asked the owner if he knew the clock was not running. 'Yes,' replied the restaurant man, 'but you would be surprised to know how many people look at that clock, think they are hungry, and come in to get something to eat."' If only there were some kind of divine timepiece that would arouse a spiritual hunger in people!

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

Recently the country has seen too much of our legislators, seeing them as a gaggle of check-kiting, judge-smearing deadbeats who don't pay their restaurant bills but raise their pay in the middle of the night. Many Americans-this columnist included-hitherto said tax increases are justified by the budget deficit now say: Give that mob more money? Never. Not a nickel of new taxes until term limits change the political culture on Capital Hill.

The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up. The second nonabsolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of the most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of math, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field. The third and most mysterious piece of nonabsoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a subphenomenon of this field.)

Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single statement took the scientific world by storm. It completely revolutionized it. So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure and the science of math was put back by years.

Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.

All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door.