Quotes about Spoof

Then I was eighteen again, literally, hitchhiking in a bewildering zigzag from Toad Suck Park, Arkansas, to Big Bone Lick State Park, Kentucky, to Hungry Mother State Park, Virginia, to Intercourse, Pennsylvania, through the Shenandoah Valley to Sweet Lips, Tennessee, and then on through the Bible Belt bound, as best I could tell, for Climax, North Carolina.

Groping inside my duffel, I found my Swiss army knife and opened one of the blades. I stopped and turned brandishing it, an insane glint in my eye like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. My nearest persecutor, a young man covered in Mayan tattoos, was approaching fast. The knife made him hesitate—but that was all.

The Folarians (such was their name) were a pacifistic people who believed in free will, free thought, free love, free land, free living, free rides, freeloading and freebies of all kinds. Bitter enemies of the Vegetarians, the Fruitarians (who lived exclusively on raw fruit), the Pietarians (or “New Fruitarians,” as they were sometimes called, who ate only raw fruit pies) and the Breatharians (who subsisted on air alone), the Folarians promoted a doctrine wherein eternal life was achieved by abstaining from all food sources save foliage—thus their name. Moreover, this foliage—whether leaves, stems or flowers—must already have fallen to the ground of its own accord. This way, eating only nature’s leftovers, the Folarians lived in perfect harmony with Mother Earth.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out I’d come to Perver City. Technically a suburb of New Age City, Perver City is where all the people who can’t make it in New Age City wind up.

New Age City was a cornucopia of Transsexual Breathwork, Colonic Hypnotherapy, Psychotic Readings, Women’s Foot Massage Circles, Men’s Menstrual Networks, Nymphomatic Drainage, Applied Tautology, Body Piercing for the Inner Child, Alternative Unbirthing, Soul Upheaval, Past Life Digressions … To say nothing of the extraordinary products available through independent distributors of network marketing companies: Self-esteem Creams, Psychic Gels, Clairvoyant Eyedrops, Aboriginal Aphrodisiacs, Ostrich Feather Energy Bars, Irradiated Healing Clays, Chai  Enemas …