Suicide and the Superficial Self
Have you ever thought of committing suicide? It’s okay if you have. In fact, I’d venture to say that it’s a fairly normal thing for most people to have considered at some point in their life – at least in the theoretical sense of it. To consider what it may actually take to go through with it, or what it may actually mean that you would want to. If you’re like me, you may even have occupied that place where it seemed to be a real option; and, like me, actually taken that option a number of times, in a manner of speaking.
When a famous person, someone we know, or someone we’ve just been acquainted with commits suicide, naturally there’s the sadness that accompanies such a profound personal tragedy, followed by that sense of futility. But there may also be a deep, underlying identification with a troubled fellow voyager; the understanding of suicide as a viable solution to what seems to be an utterly hopeless situation.
“When you commit suicide, you’re killing the wrong person.”
Anonymous
Obviously, I didn’t really commit suicide when I thought of it, but having passed through that “dark night of the soul,” I do understand the impulse – and not as an overwhelming urge to for the absolute, but instead as an overwhelming urge for absolution.
The Urge for Absolution
After all, the desire to ‘end it all’ often isn’t a wish to actually die, just a wish to end things the way they are.
In this sense, the suicide urge is a completely natural impulse that arises simultaneously from both deep despair and a kind of optimism in the eternal, the idea that a spiritual solution awaits our return. We’re searching for the source of relief, renewal, and regeneration.
It can actually indicate a profound kind of spiritual sanity and practical wisdom – the desire to return our battered soul into the care of a loving power, and rediscover our spiritual freedom, away from a world where our human shortcomings and ineffectiveness are constantly imposed on our simple search for happiness.
But please – don’t get me wrong on this point!
I’m not urging anyone to commit suicide. At least not in the way you may usually think of it.
Our misunderstanding of the suicide ‘process’ has a lot to do with our unwillingness to properly define death itself. As a person who’s unintentionally experienced a kind of reincarnation myself, I can tell you that we do live and die many times over–and not just in the physical sense of it.
For example, the child you once were – that innocent, playful, awakening soul – died outwardly in a sense, when the need to create an egoic interface to “the grown-up world” (and biological chemistry) raised its ugly head, all too soon. Likewise, your teenager was sacrificed to the demands of a life of responsibility. And as you get older, the young adult you once were has given way to a being of lesser physical ability (that’s one I really miss). The body I’m in now is heading down a stretch of road dotted with signposts for another turn-off up ahead. There’s always some form of death approaching. That’s just the way it is.
“Without dying to the world of the old order, there is no place for renewal, because…it is illusory to hope that growth is but an additive process requiring neither sacrifice nor death. The soul favors the death experience to usher in change. Viewed this way, the suicide impulse is a transformational drive.”
James Hillman
Suicide and the Soul
The author of that quote, James Hillman, (my late uncle, by marriage), was a brilliant (and very funny) guy – a teacher, author, Jungian analyst, former director of the Jung Institute in Zurich, and the creator of Archetypal Psychology. That quote is from his elegant, utterly amazing little book, Suicide and the Soul (Harper Colophon, 1964), in which he describes a lot of what I’m talking about here far more eloquently than I ever could, based on years of working with patients in states of personal crisis. Elsewhere in the book, he says,
“To put an ‘end to one’s life’ means to come to one’s end, to find the end or limit of what one is, in order to arrive at what one is not – yet.”
James Hillman
Personally, this required a number of very uncomfortable moments in my own life, where who and what “I thought I was,” lay in broken pieces on the ground before me. When my life, as it was, no longer made any sense – where it no longer worked. The person I was had stopped being a viably effective participant, and living that way doomed me to repetitive collisions with my own self-created obstacles to happiness and fulfillment. That’s a dark place, where the suicidal impulse arises. Naturally, I required a deliverance – a death – to make room for my own personal renewal.
So, I committed a kind of suicide – and I’ve done it a few times – the sort that I propose you embrace if you ever reach that impasse yourself. Not to actually physically kill yourself, but to set about killing the part of you that no longer works.
That false egoic interface – often the same one we constructed first as kids – has to be destroyed to allow a more authentic self to emerge and arise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix. That’s an archetype Uncle James may have liked.
While my late uncle speaks metaphorically, as an analyst, I speak as a ‘near death experiencer,’ so in what I know as a real, spiritual sense, we do live and die and live and die – on and on. Our deaths are necessary for our soul’s growth; every death is a suicide, of sorts, fashioned over time by our own designs. Life can be quite ruthless in pointing out the biggest flaws in those designs, but the awareness we gain is the gift that pain gives us. It becomes our job to change. This is the case at every level.
Fractal Motivation
We are all the creators of our own deaths, individually and collectively, and the suicide urge itself is a kind of fractal motivation – an urge that lives within every expression of consciousness taking part in our mysterious spiritual evolution. From plants, to animals, to us, to our earth, there is that sacrifice to growth, to our return, imprinted in our very core.
Meanwhile, our soul – the same playful soul of a child – continues to live on in wonder, willingness, and absolute surrender, even as we must slough off sheaths of outer lives. With that willingness, that faith, we can sacrifice our overly serious superficial selves; with our soul’s knowledge that our true self is never abandoned, we can bury “who we were supposed to be”– even if we don’t know who we are meant to become yet. It’s an uncomfortable state of grace, like the chaotic mess inside a chrysalis just before a butterfly emerges.
Kill the Right Person
So, please, don’t ever actually kill yourself – it’s a “permanent solution to a temporary problem.” But if you insist on it, make sure you kill the right person. Kill only the part of yourself that causes pain; the part that prevents you from being the creature of light and love you are truly meant to be. Bury your superficial self, christen a more authentic you, rise up, and spread your new wings.
About the Author
The Wheel of Life: What It Is, What It’s For, and How To Use It
The Wheel of Life is a visual tool used in coaching to assess balance across different areas of a person’s life. It helps identify areas that need more attention and to set goals for improving satisfaction in each aspect. In this article, we explore what the Wheel of Life is, how to create your own, and how to use it to achieve greater well-being.
Table of Contents
- What Is the Wheel of Life?
- How To Create Your Own Wheel of Life
- The 8 Components of the Wheel of Life
- What to Do With the Results of the Wheel of Life
- History and Origin of the Wheel of Life
What Is the Wheel of Life?
The Wheel of Life is a circular diagram divided into several sections, each representing a key area of life, such as health, relationships, career, and leisure. This tool allows people to clearly and simply visualize the current state of their life in these areas, offering a holistic view of their well-being. By evaluating and rating each area on a scale from 1 to 10, it creates a visual representation of balance—or imbalance—in one’s life.
The process of using the Wheel of Life involves reflecting on each area and assigning a score that reflects your current level of satisfaction. The scores are connected to form a figure resembling a wheel, where its symmetry indicates the degree of balance in life. An unbalanced wheel with peaks and valleys suggests areas that require more attention and development.
How To Create Your Own Wheel of Life
Creating your own Wheel of Life is a simple and effective process to evaluate and improve different aspects of your life. Follow these steps to build yours:
- Represent the areas in a circle: Draw a circle and divide it into equal sections, each representing an important area of your life. Imagine it like a birthday cake sliced into equal parts. Ideally, you should include eight areas of the Wheel of Life, but you can adjust based on what you consider meaningful.
- Identify the key areas: Determine the specific areas you want to assess, such as health, relationships, career, personal development, finances, leisure, family, and friends. These areas should reflect significant aspects of your life that influence your overall well-being. Be sure to include both personal and professional dimensions.
- Rate each area: Evaluate your current level of satisfaction in each area on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means total dissatisfaction and 10 represents maximum satisfaction. Be honest with yourself when assigning these scores. This step is crucial to identify which areas need more attention.
- Connect the dots: Link the scores in each area to form a figure within the circle. This shape may look like a balanced wheel or an irregular form with peaks and valleys. The consistency of this figure reflects the level of balance in your life.
- Interpret the results: Analyze the resulting shape to identify the unbalanced areas that require more attention. Ask yourself which areas are causing greater imbalance and how you might improve your satisfaction in them. Use the results to set goals and create an action plan.
The 8 Components of the Wheel of Life
Below are the eight key areas that make up the Wheel of Life. Each represents a different aspect that influences your overall well‑being. These categories help you see, at a glance, how you feel in each area. You can adjust them based on your current priorities. The essential thing is that they reflect what truly matters to you.
-
Personal Development
This area focuses on growth and continuous improvement in all aspects of your life. It includes learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and working on personal qualities. Reflecting on personal development allows you to identify areas to improve and set clear growth goals.
Ask yourself: Am I dedicating enough time to my learning and growth? What new skills would I like to acquire? How can I improve my daily habits to boost personal development? What training or reading activities can I incorporate into my routine? Am I setting achievable development goals? How can I measure my progress?
-
Home Environment
Home represents the physical and emotional environment in which you live. A balanced and harmonious home greatly contributes to your overall well‑being. Evaluating this area involves considering not only the physical space but also the relationships and family dynamics that affect your quality of life.
Ask yourself: Do I feel comfortable and safe at home? Are home relationships healthy and supportive? What changes can I make in my environment to improve my well‑being? Am I dedicating enough time to organizing and cleaning my space? How can I improve living together with household members? Which aspects of my home’s physical and emotional environment need more attention?
-
Health
Evaluating your health means considering multiple aspects such as diet, exercise, rest, and stress management. Reflecting on these factors helps you identify patterns that need adjustment to improve overall well‑being. A proactive approach to your physical and mental health is crucial for maintaining a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle.
Ask yourself: Am I taking proper care of my body and mind? Do I have healthy eating and exercise habits? How do I manage stress and nurture my emotional well‑being? Am I sleeping enough and in a restorative way? Do I need to adjust my exercise routine? How can I improve my diet to feel better physically and mentally?
-
Work and Career
Reflecting on your professional life allows you to assess not only your career satisfaction but also the balance between work and personal life. It’s fundamental to consider growth and development opportunities in your current role. Finding work that you’re passionate about and that offers harmony with other areas of your life can significantly improve your overall well‑being.
Ask yourself: Am I satisfied with my current job? Do I have opportunities for professional growth and development? How can I improve the balance between my work and personal life? Am I achieving an adequate balance between work time and rest? What aspects of my job bring me the most satisfaction? How can I better manage work-related stress?
-
Friends
Authentic, high-quality friendships are essential for emotional well-being. Evaluating your friendships can help you discover the depth and authenticity of these connections. It’s important to invest time and effort into maintaining and strengthening these relationships to ensure they provide the support and companionship you need.
To go deeper in this reflection, consider: Do I have friends I can fully trust? How often do I spend quality time with my friends? Do my friendships uplift me or drain me? Am I dedicating enough time to maintaining and nurturing these relationships? How can I improve communication and connection with my friends? Am I open to making new friends if needed?
-
Love
In the Wheel of Life, love refers to romantic relationships and the quality of these intimate interactions. Evaluating this area involves considering aspects such as communication, emotional connection, and overall satisfaction in the relationship. A healthy, loving partnership can be a major source of emotional support and well-being.
To explore this area, ask yourself: Do I feel loved and valued by my partner? Do we communicate openly and honestly? What can I do to strengthen our emotional connection? Am I satisfied with the level of support and understanding in our relationship? How can I contribute to making our relationship stronger? Are there any conflicts we need to resolve together?
-
Finances
Evaluating your financial situation allows you to analyze your spending habits, your saving capacity, and your future planning. Reflecting on these elements will help you identify areas that need adjustment to improve financial stability. Good personal finance management is key to peace of mind and quality of life.
Reflect on your finances with questions like: Am I satisfied with my current income? Am I saving and investing adequately for the future? Are my spending habits aligned with my priorities and values? What changes do I need to make to improve my financial stability? Am I managing my debts and financial commitments effectively?
-
Leisure and Hobbies
Spending time on hobbies and leisure activities is essential for maintaining a healthy balance. Evaluating this area helps you consider whether you are investing enough time in activities that relax and entertain you. Adding more recreational time to your routine can boost your well-being and personal satisfaction.
To assess this area, ask yourself: Do I regularly make time for my hobbies and leisure activities? Do these activities bring me joy and satisfaction? Am I exploring new activities that interest me? What can I do to ensure I have quality free time each week? How can I integrate more recreational activities into my daily life? Am I prioritizing time for myself amid my daily responsibilities?
What to Do With the Results of the Wheel of Life
Once you’ve completed and assessed your Wheel of Life, the next step is to use the results to set goals and create an action plan. Analyze the areas with lower scores and reflect on why these areas are out of balance. Identifying the reasons behind dissatisfaction in these aspects will help you determine specific actions you need to take to improve.
After identifying which areas need attention, it’s crucial to set clear and achievable goals for each one. Break these goals into smaller, manageable objectives you can work on progressively. This will allow you to track your progress and stay motivated over time. Make sure your goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
History and Origin of the Wheel of Life
The Wheel of Life was created by Paul J. Meyer, a pioneer in the field of personal and professional development and founder of the Success Motivation Institute. Meyer developed this tool in the 1960s as part of his coaching programs, with the goal of helping people assess and improve different aspects of their lives in an integrated way.
Since its creation, the Wheel of Life has been adopted by coaches and therapists around the world due to its simplicity and effectiveness. Its intuitive design facilitates reflection and self-assessment, enabling individuals to quickly identify areas that need attention and growth. Over time, this tool has become a staple in coaching programs, personal development workshops, and therapy sessions, proving its versatility and long-term value.
