What it Means to Know Yourself
I stood in my living room before a full length mirror and – for a good length of time – watched myself eat vegan cheddar popcorn straight out of the bag.
As I stood there contemplating my appearance – and my existence – while munching on handful after handful of starchy goodness, I noticed: Something was different.
Over the course of my 28 years, I have on many occasions curiously observed myself in mirrors and camera displays. I’ve partaken in my fair share of self-timer photo shoots, diligently choosing my Instagram filters for the most flattering polish. I have deleted and re-taken “candid” shot after “candid” shot. In short, my physical appearance and I are well acquainted.
But this time there was something missing. Something that felt very familiar and suddenly very absent. And that something was scrutiny.
I am void of scrutiny
It feels a little odd, though not at all unpleasant. How could it? In that moment I was suddenly at peace with – everything. My weight. The dark circles beneath my eyes. My age. Even the sharpness of my nasal bone, which can look anywhere from dainty to profuse depending on the angle and one’s vantage point. And as I stood and munched and munched and stood – I knew full well why I so suddenly accepted myself without resistance.
You see, in the last year, I met myself. I ventured into an exercise of self recognition. I began dissecting and dissolving many of the things I knew made me be ME, and I did it by constantly asking:
“What does my emotional reaction (to XYZ) say about me?” and “Why am I having this reaction?”
The ‘I’ we tend to identify with is simply the accumulation of all the experiences we’ve ever had, which in turn have each triggered a different set of emotional responses – thus making us who we (think) we are by systematically labeling, defining, compartmentalizing, and ultimately separating ourselves from the outside world. But the truth is all of those unavoidable events in our history – while they all had divine purpose and were in fact crucial for our personal growth in the moment we experienced them – are not truly US. They are experiences – meant to be experienced and then let go of completely. But because truly experiencing anything new requires a willingness to face the dreaded unknown, we instead often recoil, following the impulse to instead protect ourselves from that which may hurt us. And because of this automatic defense mechanism, remnants of the unfinished experience cling on somewhere deep inside our subconscious; it can wreak havoc on our daily lives, our self image, our ability to experience love, joy, fear, pain – everything.
Life Sucks and then you die. Or not?
If you find yourself anxious, unhappy, or fearful, don’t assume that’s just the way things are and surrender to it. You are the author of your thoughts – which in turn are the authors of your emotions. If you truly want to know yourself and understand why you are the way you are, you must dig through every experience and find the original. The one that triggered them all.
Let me give you a personal example using a classic: shame.
I recently completed a creative project that I did not feel properly represented my artistic abilities and therefore caused me to be ‘ashamed’ of the end result. Any time I showed it to anyone, I felt a strong surge of anxiety which was inevitably followed by me rattling off a list of excuses as to why it had turned out sub par. I knew I had to make peace with it if I wanted to gain anything from the experience. So I decided to get to the bottom of it.
The morning of a film festival where this particular project was going to be shown, I meditated with the intention of finding out where my searing shame originated from. And sure enough – I was led to a very distinct childhood memory. Because I have turned meditation into a habit (meaning I no longer question whether to do it or not, I just do it), I was able to locate the trigger.
Pink Pony Says Thank You
When I was 10 years old I felt isolated and unwanted in a new school. One day, (probably because the parents insisted), I was invited to a classmate’s slumber party. The day afterward I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for having been included that I handmade a card on which I wrote Pink Pony Says Thank You. It depicted, of course, a crudely drawn pink pony. Not long after presenting the 10-year-old host with my token of appreciation, the card was passed around the 5th grade classroom and ruthlessly mocked. Humiliated, I learned three lessons that day which I have carried with me and honored ever since:
- Just because you made it and just because you like it doesn’t mean anyone else will (cause for massive self-trust issues).
- Never show anyone anything you’ve created unless you’re willing to be ridiculed (cause for pessimistic outlook on future outcomes as a means to protect oneself from disappointment).
- It’s better not to care (cause for stifled experience/expression of appreciation).
Now, you can see how these deep-rooted belief systems could prove problematic, if not detrimental, when you are – like I am – pursuing a career in the arts.
And this is just one tiny, single example of thousands of instances in which a painful past experience got “stuck” in me – and you, and everyone – and is powerfully affecting the way we live our lives.
Reprogram Your Mind
The beauty of it all is that the recognition of this fact is the first step to changing the game. You don’t have to be a slave to your past. You can actively search and destroy those memories and essentially re-program yourself with new beliefs that will serve you better.
When I realized that this one experience was at the root of my shame issues surrounding my work, it was easy to see that forgiving myself was all I had to do to release it. The 10-year-old version of me that still unknowingly hated herself for having been so dumb to make a card that says Pink Pony Says Thank You could now understand – from the 28-year-old’s perspective – that I had done nothing wrong. In fact, my gesture was one fueled by love, kindness, and gratitude. Once I could clearly see that, I was able to forgive myself and be done with it. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I felt a tremendous weight lift off my shoulders – a weight I had carried around with me for so many years without ever questioning its validity.
And we all do that. We all carry the weight of our past experiences with us – completely unaware that the negative feelings of trapped emotion we feel are optional. We can choose to release them and be free once and for all. It’s what therapy accomplishes, only you don’t need a therapist to do it. All you need is:
- A willingness to do the work and find your triggers.
- The courage to want to know.
- The ability to see the past event objectively and let it go.
That is why I could stand and stare at my reflection and – for the first time – feel nothing but peace. Because for the last year, I have immersed myself in the challenge of getting to know myself. With the help of books like The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer and Ask and it is Given by Abraham Hicks, I was able to start recognizing the true nature of my Self and begin to make peace with it.
It has been a long journey, and it is far from over. But already life has become richer and sweeter than I ever imaged. So I invite you to join me – because inner peace is a reality for all of us.
We simply have to choose it.
About the Author
7 Self-Knowledge Exercises To Truly Discover Who You Are
Self-knowledge is a process of inner exploration that helps us understand how we think, what we feel, and why we act the way we do. It involves looking inward with honesty, acknowledging both our strengths and limitations.
In this article, we explore why it’s important to know ourselves, how to begin that journey, and which practical exercises can help us discover who we really are.
Table of Contents
- The Importance Of Discovering Who We Are
- How To Begin Our Path Toward Self-Knowledge
- Self-Knowledge Activities To Deepen Our Understanding Of Ourselves
- Writing A Personal Journal
- Answering Deep Self-Knowledge Questions
- Taking A Personality Test
- Exploring The Birth Chart
- link text=”Using Cards As A Tool For Symbolic Introspection” url=”#using-cards-as-a-tool-for-symbolic-introspection” target=”_self” /]
- Exploring Our Personality With The Enneagram
- Analyzing Our Wheel Of Life To Detect Imbalances
- Explore More Self-Knowledge Tools On Gaia
- Integrating Self-Knowledge Into Everyday Life
The Importance Of Discovering Who We Are
Many times we go through life following routines, expectations, or obligations without asking ourselves if what we do is actually connected to who we are deep down. We may reach certain goals or meet what’s expected of us, but if we do it from a place of disconnection, it’s common to feel exhausted, empty, or find it hard to see real meaning in what we do. Living without an inner compass can lead us to make decisions that don’t represent us and to maintain relationships or lifestyles that pull us away from our essence.
On the other hand, when we begin to understand what moves us, what we value, and what we need, decisions stop being automatic. A sense of internal order arises, which is reflected in how we live, how we relate, and how we respond to daily challenges. Living from our truth, even if it brings discomfort or uncertainty at first, brings a deeper sense of calm—less dependent on what’s outside.
This process of knowing ourselves isn’t a goal we reach once and for all—it’s a constant practice cultivated in everyday life. It is a way of being in relationship with ourselves: observing ourselves honestly, questioning our beliefs, reviewing what we choose and what we avoid. And in that movement of self-exploration and reconstruction, we gain clarity, depth, and meaning.
How To Begin Our Path Toward Self-Knowledge
Self-knowledge begins with an internal decision: to look at ourselves with more attention. Sometimes, it’s enough to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and notice what’s happening inside us. That small pause can be the starting point for establishing a more conscious relationship with our inner world.
Over time, that space of observation becomes clearer and more natural. We begin to notice recurring thoughts, emotions that are hard to express, or decisions we make without questioning them. It’s not about correcting everything at once, but about recognizing what’s there so we can act with greater clarity and meaning.
Self-Knowledge Activities To Deepen Our Understanding Of Ourselves
If we feel the urge to know ourselves better but don’t know where to begin, we can rely on certain practices that offer us valuable guidance. Writing in a journal, answering reflective questions, or taking a personality test can help us see more clearly what we think, feel, and do.
These tools don’t offer definitive answers, but they do open inner doors that are worth exploring. What’s essential is to maintain an honest attitude and openness to the process.
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Writing A Personal Journal
Keeping a journal is a simple yet powerful practice for exploring what we think and feel. By recording our daily experiences, we can detect emotional patterns, recurring reactions, or themes that need attention. You can also practice automatic writing, with no filters or corrections, to connect with deeper parts of your inner world.
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Answering Deep Self-Knowledge Questions
Asking ourselves deep questions can open up spaces that usually remain hidden. Questions like “What gives us meaning?”, “What are we avoiding?”, or “What do we need to let go of?” activate reflection and allow us to explore motivations, fears, and desires we may not have previously considered. It doesn’t matter if no immediate answer comes—the very act of asking already sets the process in motion.
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Taking A Personality Test
Taking a personality test can help us put into words certain traits or tendencies that are part of who we are. Tools like MBTI, DISC or the Big Five offer frameworks for understanding how we think, how we relate to others, and what kind of environment supports our development. It’s not about labeling ourselves, but about gaining clarity on how we function internally.
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Exploring The Birth Chart
The birth chart reflects the configuration of the sky at the moment of our birth. Through its symbols and archetypes, we can identify emotional patterns, relationship styles, talents, and personal challenges. It is a symbolic guide that does not define who we are, but it does allow us to understand ourselves from a broader and deeper perspective.
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Using Cards As A Tool For Symbolic Introspection
Tarot, oracle, or archetype cards can serve as gateways to our inner world, through images, symbols, and intuitive associations. By asking a question and observing the card that emerges, a dialogue with the unconscious opens. It’s not about predicting the future, but about giving shape and language to what we may not yet be able to see clearly.
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Exploring Our Personality With The Enneagram
The Enneagram is a system of nine personality types that describes how we perceive the world, how we react to our environment, and what we seek on an emotional level. Recognizing our type allows us to more consciously observe our automatic behaviors, fears, and deep motivations. From there, we can work on our growth with more clarity and direction.
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Analyzing Our Wheel Of Life To Detect Imbalances
The Wheel of Life is a visual exercise that helps us assess how we feel in different areas: health, relationships, purpose, work, finances, among others. By completing it, we can identify which areas are balanced and which need attention. It is a practical tool to focus our energy more consciously and in alignment.
Explore More Self-Knowledge Tools On Gaia
On Gaia you’ll find a wide variety of content designed to support you in your self-knowledge process. There are series, documentaries, courses, and guided practices that cover all the topics we’ve discussed in this article: astrology, enneagram, meditation, tarot, personal development, and more. These resources are designed to help you go deeper into your inner world with clear, accessible, and high-quality information.
An excellent place to start is with the series Transcendence, which offers a comprehensive view of how mind, body, and consciousness are connected. It’s an introductory program that combines science, spirituality, and practical tools to help you begin to know yourself from a broader and more transformative perspective.
Integrating Self-Knowledge Into Everyday Life
Knowing ourselves doesn’t mean much if we leave it at the level of reflection. True value arises when we begin to bring that understanding into daily life: into how we make decisions, how we set boundaries, and how we respond when something makes us uncomfortable. Self-knowledge becomes alive when it influences our actions—not just our thoughts.
Integrating what we discover takes practice and patience. Sometimes it means making small adjustments, other times holding onto decisions that may not be comfortable. It’s not about getting it perfect, but about staying aware of when we stray from what we know is true for us—and choosing to return.
Over time, this internal work translates into a more honest relationship with ourselves. We learn to listen before reacting, to recognize when we need to pause, and to choose from a more conscious place. That is one possible closure for this journey: not arriving at a final answer, but continuing to inhabit the process with greater clarity and presence.
