How to Unite Your Inner Feminine and Masculine

How to Unite Your Inner Feminine and Masculine

In January of 2012, I met a man who would forever change the way I viewed partnerships. About three months after we met, I asked him to accompany me to India where I would be assisting a yoga teacher training course. I got pregnant on that trip but didn’t realize until late summer. Our relationship soon became a living nightmare and at least once a week I asked him to leave my home. He proclaimed his love for me and had very clever excuses for his actions. I can’t begin to tell you how much I wanted to believe him and hoped things would get better.

As the pregnancy progressed, I grew weak and more dependent on him. He grew more distance and apathetic to me and our relationship. I felt unattractive, scared, and spent most nights alone. I had zero reference point for how to handle the manipulation, lies, and sense of betrayal I felt. He finally left when our baby was 6 months old in the fall of 2013. He then admitted he had been cheating on me with multiple women the whole time and knew he never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship.

For two years after this, I went into deep introspection, and cried a lot. I was devastated and felt like a complete failure.

I knew that the only way out of the pain was to go into the mystery of my own consciousness. This led me to the study of Shamanism, Shamanic Astrology, and Energy Healing. Although it was probably the most challenging life experience I have ever been through, the benefits I found through seeking relief have been nothing short of miracles in my life. One of those miracles, I will share with you here.

What is the Inner Other?

According to Shamanic Astrology, we have an “inner other” which I call my “inner lover”. For a woman, look at where Venus is on her natal chart to find out the form of the Feminine she embodies. My Venus is in Aquarius which is the type of feminine who is cosmically conscious, intelligent, brilliant, and has a big-picture perspective on life. Some “shadow” expressions of this sign are detachment, aloofness, and observing more than participating in life.

Then, to find out what she is most attracted to in a man, we would look at where Mars is on her chart. This is her inner masculine or what she most desires to connect with in a partner.

This is also where we most often project our own inner vision onto the men in our lives and see them through our desire for what we most want them to be instead of accepting them for who they actually are. My Mars is in Pisces which would suggest that I am attracted to the sensitive, empathic, universally loving Piscean energy in a partner. Some “shadow” expressions of this could be escapism, addictions, and the wounded man who doesn’t overcome his pain.

If you identify as a man, you would look first Mars to discover what form of the masculine you are representing. My teachers, Caylin Castell and Daniel Giamario, call this the “sword you carry” as a man. So if your Mars is in Aries, you would be the warrior, protector of the tribe, action-oriented type of man. Remember to take into account the possible shadow expressions of your Mars position. For Aries, this may be violent, mean, or too much action.

Then, to find what form of the feminine you most desire to connect with, you would locate Venus on your natal chart. This is your inner feminine, in essence, it is also you. Yet, you likely project this out onto the women in your life by seeing women through the “lens” of your own inner feminine. If your Venus is in Leo, you most wish to connect with the form of the feminine that is self-loving, radiant, and happy to be in the spotlight like royalty. Some shadow expressions of Leo may be the proverbial ball hog, attention seeker, or narcissist type of woman.

The key here is to own both archetypes, if it feels right for you.

In my experience, I realized that I was indeed most attracted to my Mars archetype and was often disappointed when my partner was not as universally loving/compassionate as I believed he “should” be. I really didn’t like my Venus archetype either. I was mostly teased for my Aquarian Venus attributes and spent most of my life trying to fit in, which is something that Venus in Aquarius is just not meant to do.

Feed Your Inner Lover(s)

Once I was able to see the pattern and understand my attractions, I began feeding my Mars in Pisces with activities that served the Pisces archetype. I have been able to nurture my inner lover from the inside by getting to know what things honor my Mars in Pisces. Some of these things have been practicing intuition and empathy, being in nature, and doing more random acts of kindness.

I satisfy my inner longing and no longer attract men that fit my usual pattern. I feel whole and complete within myself and I am experiencing men from a whole new perspective. Of course, when I meet a new man, I do notice traits that support my inner masculine archetype first. I realize that this may always be what I am most attracted to. But it no longer is a fulfillment thing. I am conscious of the pattern and know how to get my own needs met on this level.

Identify your Venus and Mars positions here.

Once you have identified where Mars and Venus are on your own natal chart, you would hold the vision or awareness of each of these archetypes and find out if this resonates with you. If it does not, you can do one of two things right now:

  1. Get out a sheet of paper and a pen. Write out a list of all the attributes you can assign to your current perception of men and then a separate list for women. See if there is any connection to your Venus and Mars. If you are unsure of the archetypes, you can use the internet for a bit of research.
  2. Get out a pen and paper and free write about your current perception of men and then again of women. Claim your inner masculine and inner feminine based off of what you intuitively feel.

The idea is to bring these into harmonious relationship within yourself. I have recognized the ways in which I was projecting my inner masculine out and learned how to own this as part of me. I have also reclaimed my feminine form as the Aquarian Goddess and more fully embrace my uniqueness, innovation, and ability to go between different states of consciousness.

My inner lovers are constantly dancing together and assisting in everything I create. Words do not express the bliss I have found in this Inner Lover Connection.

Inner Lover Connection Exercise

  1. Have a notebook and a pen ready in case you want to take notes.
  2. Get into a meditative state of mind, however it is that you feel most meditative. Whether that is gardening, sitting for meditation, dirt-bike racing, or dancing. Everyone has a unique way of connecting to their source so go with whatever feels right for you.
  3. Imagine what your own inner Goddess/Feminine would look like. If the sign of your Venus position resonates with you, use that archetype to start to feel into her essence. Bring her to life through your imagination.
  4. Ask her what it is she most wants. “How can I best accommodate your wishes and desires?” Or any question you would like to ask. Deeply listen. Accept the first things that come to you. Write it down.
  5. Imagine what your own inner God/Masculine would look like. If the sign of your Mars position resonates with you, use that archetype to feel into his essence. Bring him to life through your imagination.
  6. Ask him similar questions that you asked your inner Goddess/Feminine. Perhaps you will ask him, “Is there anything you want me to know? How can I better honor you in my life?”
  7. Have the inner Goddess/Feminine and inner God/Masculine face each other and look into each other’s eyes. Ask them each if there is anything they need to say or do to heal, strengthen, or assist them in allowing more energy into their union. Be receptive to what may come up.
  8. Feel the love and acceptance flowing between your inner lovers as a sense of gratitude washes over you. Notice any feelings or sensations that may be rising in your awareness.
  9. Give thanks for the ability to feel, connect, and witness pure love.
  10. Take time everyday to honor this sacred marriage between your inner feminine and inner masculine through doing things that are unique to your own archetypes. You will know what activities are best to honor these within yourself as you practice being receptive to this exercise and then acting on the message you receive from your inner lovers.


Is Your Relationship Incompatible Due to Astrology Signs?

Is Your Relationship Incompatible Due to Astrology Signs?

Is Your Relationship Incompatible Due to Astrology Signs?

I’ve been fascinated with my Sun sign ever since I realized what they were. The idea that the planets have influence over our lives sounds ridiculous, yet for anyone who believes in the science of Astrology and follows their horoscope faithfully, it’s hard not to see the correlations.

I remember getting excited once because my horoscope said I would have a good doctor’s appointment, and by coincidence (or was it?) I had an appointment the next day. My co-worker pointed out that of all the people in the world who read that same horoscope, one of us was bound to have a doctor’s appointment. True enough, but there are a lot of people like myself who put stock in the theory of Sun signs and how they hold sway over our lives.

What Do You Do With Opposing Sun Signs?

So what happens when someone close to us appears to have an incompatible Sun sign? Do we ignore the lack of compatibility? End the relationship? What if it’s not that easy?

It can be almost heartbreaking, but even if his/her Sun sign isn’t one that plays well with yours, it’s just a small part of your overall astrology chart. It could be something that may prove more positive than negative and lead to personal growth for both people involved in the relationship.

How does the stable, secure Taurus find love with the freedom loving Gemini?

How can the lucky Leo stay in a relationship with the picky Virgo?

How does a passionate Aries keep the passion going with the laid-back Libra?

Astrology Charts

There is more to astrology than just the Sun Signs. An astrology chart, sometimes referred to as a natal chart, is a complete workup of where the planets were located the moment you were born. It’s a detailed analysis that can help you navigate certain aspects of your life, including your compatibility with your partner’s Sun sign.

A person’s Sun sign is simply a starting point. Our personality is compiled of more than one or two traits, and so is your compatibility with others on your astrological chart. It’s a map of your life that consists of where the planets stood at the time of your birth, along with their location in relevance to the twelve astrological houses and the nodal axis. The nodal axis is a mathematical reference that is based on where the Sun, moon, and earth were as well; all of this is taken into consideration.

When two signs might not be compatible in one house (he is more social, she is more introverted), they might be compatible in another house (both enjoy a good meal with friends in an expensive restaurant).

Along with a Sun sign, each person has a Moon sign, a Mercury sign and so on. Each planet represents a certain aspect of oneself, and these planets’ positions within the hemisphere are an intricate part of a natal chart.

Want to know what kind of a lover you are? Find out in what house Venus was at the time of your birth. All these different reference points can give you a better understanding of not only yourself but of your relationship to those in your life.

Unfortunately, it’s not going to be all good news. Yes, you will find that there are some conflicting signs. This is normal. Human relationships and interactions are complex, and the areas of incompatibility can range from slight to extreme. However, if you focus on the houses that are more compatible, the incompatibilities between your sign and your partner’s might be easier to work through.

The freedom-loving Gemini might appreciate a comfortable, relaxing home with a Taurus.

The picky Virgo might enjoy the fun and excitement of hanging around with a Leo.

As for the laid-back Libra and passionate Aries? Well, we’ve been married over 20 years with no signs of quitting any time soon.

If you are curious, learn more about your natal chart.

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