How to Unite Your Inner Feminine and Masculine
In January of 2012, I met a man who would forever change the way I viewed partnerships. About three months after we met, I asked him to accompany me to India where I would be assisting a yoga teacher training course. I got pregnant on that trip but didn’t realize until late summer. Our relationship soon became a living nightmare and at least once a week I asked him to leave my home. He proclaimed his love for me and had very clever excuses for his actions. I can’t begin to tell you how much I wanted to believe him and hoped things would get better.
As the pregnancy progressed, I grew weak and more dependent on him. He grew more distance and apathetic to me and our relationship. I felt unattractive, scared, and spent most nights alone. I had zero reference point for how to handle the manipulation, lies, and sense of betrayal I felt. He finally left when our baby was 6 months old in the fall of 2013. He then admitted he had been cheating on me with multiple women the whole time and knew he never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship.
For two years after this, I went into deep introspection, and cried a lot. I was devastated and felt like a complete failure.
I knew that the only way out of the pain was to go into the mystery of my own consciousness. This led me to the study of Shamanism, Shamanic Astrology, and Energy Healing. Although it was probably the most challenging life experience I have ever been through, the benefits I found through seeking relief have been nothing short of miracles in my life. One of those miracles, I will share with you here.
What is the Inner Other?
According to Shamanic Astrology, we have an “inner other” which I call my “inner lover”. For a woman, look at where Venus is on her natal chart to find out the form of the Feminine she embodies. My Venus is in Aquarius which is the type of feminine who is cosmically conscious, intelligent, brilliant, and has a big-picture perspective on life. Some “shadow” expressions of this sign are detachment, aloofness, and observing more than participating in life.
Then, to find out what she is most attracted to in a man, we would look at where Mars is on her chart. This is her inner masculine or what she most desires to connect with in a partner.
This is also where we most often project our own inner vision onto the men in our lives and see them through our desire for what we most want them to be instead of accepting them for who they actually are. My Mars is in Pisces which would suggest that I am attracted to the sensitive, empathic, universally loving Piscean energy in a partner. Some “shadow” expressions of this could be escapism, addictions, and the wounded man who doesn’t overcome his pain.
If you identify as a man, you would look first Mars to discover what form of the masculine you are representing. My teachers, Caylin Castell and Daniel Giamario, call this the “sword you carry” as a man. So if your Mars is in Aries, you would be the warrior, protector of the tribe, action-oriented type of man. Remember to take into account the possible shadow expressions of your Mars position. For Aries, this may be violent, mean, or too much action.
Then, to find what form of the feminine you most desire to connect with, you would locate Venus on your natal chart. This is your inner feminine, in essence, it is also you. Yet, you likely project this out onto the women in your life by seeing women through the “lens” of your own inner feminine. If your Venus is in Leo, you most wish to connect with the form of the feminine that is self-loving, radiant, and happy to be in the spotlight like royalty. Some shadow expressions of Leo may be the proverbial ball hog, attention seeker, or narcissist type of woman.
The key here is to own both archetypes, if it feels right for you.
In my experience, I realized that I was indeed most attracted to my Mars archetype and was often disappointed when my partner was not as universally loving/compassionate as I believed he “should” be. I really didn’t like my Venus archetype either. I was mostly teased for my Aquarian Venus attributes and spent most of my life trying to fit in, which is something that Venus in Aquarius is just not meant to do.
Feed Your Inner Lover(s)
Once I was able to see the pattern and understand my attractions, I began feeding my Mars in Pisces with activities that served the Pisces archetype. I have been able to nurture my inner lover from the inside by getting to know what things honor my Mars in Pisces. Some of these things have been practicing intuition and empathy, being in nature, and doing more random acts of kindness.
I satisfy my inner longing and no longer attract men that fit my usual pattern. I feel whole and complete within myself and I am experiencing men from a whole new perspective. Of course, when I meet a new man, I do notice traits that support my inner masculine archetype first. I realize that this may always be what I am most attracted to. But it no longer is a fulfillment thing. I am conscious of the pattern and know how to get my own needs met on this level.
Identify your Venus and Mars positions here.
Once you have identified where Mars and Venus are on your own natal chart, you would hold the vision or awareness of each of these archetypes and find out if this resonates with you. If it does not, you can do one of two things right now:
- Get out a sheet of paper and a pen. Write out a list of all the attributes you can assign to your current perception of men and then a separate list for women. See if there is any connection to your Venus and Mars. If you are unsure of the archetypes, you can use the internet for a bit of research.
- Get out a pen and paper and free write about your current perception of men and then again of women. Claim your inner masculine and inner feminine based off of what you intuitively feel.
The idea is to bring these into harmonious relationship within yourself. I have recognized the ways in which I was projecting my inner masculine out and learned how to own this as part of me. I have also reclaimed my feminine form as the Aquarian Goddess and more fully embrace my uniqueness, innovation, and ability to go between different states of consciousness.
My inner lovers are constantly dancing together and assisting in everything I create. Words do not express the bliss I have found in this Inner Lover Connection.
Inner Lover Connection Exercise
- Have a notebook and a pen ready in case you want to take notes.
- Get into a meditative state of mind, however it is that you feel most meditative. Whether that is gardening, sitting for meditation, dirt-bike racing, or dancing. Everyone has a unique way of connecting to their source so go with whatever feels right for you.
- Imagine what your own inner Goddess/Feminine would look like. If the sign of your Venus position resonates with you, use that archetype to start to feel into her essence. Bring her to life through your imagination.
- Ask her what it is she most wants. “How can I best accommodate your wishes and desires?” Or any question you would like to ask. Deeply listen. Accept the first things that come to you. Write it down.
- Imagine what your own inner God/Masculine would look like. If the sign of your Mars position resonates with you, use that archetype to feel into his essence. Bring him to life through your imagination.
- Ask him similar questions that you asked your inner Goddess/Feminine. Perhaps you will ask him, “Is there anything you want me to know? How can I better honor you in my life?”
- Have the inner Goddess/Feminine and inner God/Masculine face each other and look into each other’s eyes. Ask them each if there is anything they need to say or do to heal, strengthen, or assist them in allowing more energy into their union. Be receptive to what may come up.
- Feel the love and acceptance flowing between your inner lovers as a sense of gratitude washes over you. Notice any feelings or sensations that may be rising in your awareness.
- Give thanks for the ability to feel, connect, and witness pure love.
- Take time everyday to honor this sacred marriage between your inner feminine and inner masculine through doing things that are unique to your own archetypes. You will know what activities are best to honor these within yourself as you practice being receptive to this exercise and then acting on the message you receive from your inner lovers.
About the Author
The Wheel of Life: What It Is, What It’s For, and How To Use It
The Wheel of Life is a visual tool used in coaching to assess balance across different areas of a person’s life. It helps identify areas that need more attention and to set goals for improving satisfaction in each aspect. In this article, we explore what the Wheel of Life is, how to create your own, and how to use it to achieve greater well-being.
Table of Contents
- What Is the Wheel of Life?
- How To Create Your Own Wheel of Life
- The 8 Components of the Wheel of Life
- What to Do With the Results of the Wheel of Life
- History and Origin of the Wheel of Life
What Is the Wheel of Life?
The Wheel of Life is a circular diagram divided into several sections, each representing a key area of life, such as health, relationships, career, and leisure. This tool allows people to clearly and simply visualize the current state of their life in these areas, offering a holistic view of their well-being. By evaluating and rating each area on a scale from 1 to 10, it creates a visual representation of balance—or imbalance—in one’s life.
The process of using the Wheel of Life involves reflecting on each area and assigning a score that reflects your current level of satisfaction. The scores are connected to form a figure resembling a wheel, where its symmetry indicates the degree of balance in life. An unbalanced wheel with peaks and valleys suggests areas that require more attention and development.
How To Create Your Own Wheel of Life
Creating your own Wheel of Life is a simple and effective process to evaluate and improve different aspects of your life. Follow these steps to build yours:
- Represent the areas in a circle: Draw a circle and divide it into equal sections, each representing an important area of your life. Imagine it like a birthday cake sliced into equal parts. Ideally, you should include eight areas of the Wheel of Life, but you can adjust based on what you consider meaningful.
- Identify the key areas: Determine the specific areas you want to assess, such as health, relationships, career, personal development, finances, leisure, family, and friends. These areas should reflect significant aspects of your life that influence your overall well-being. Be sure to include both personal and professional dimensions.
- Rate each area: Evaluate your current level of satisfaction in each area on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means total dissatisfaction and 10 represents maximum satisfaction. Be honest with yourself when assigning these scores. This step is crucial to identify which areas need more attention.
- Connect the dots: Link the scores in each area to form a figure within the circle. This shape may look like a balanced wheel or an irregular form with peaks and valleys. The consistency of this figure reflects the level of balance in your life.
- Interpret the results: Analyze the resulting shape to identify the unbalanced areas that require more attention. Ask yourself which areas are causing greater imbalance and how you might improve your satisfaction in them. Use the results to set goals and create an action plan.
The 8 Components of the Wheel of Life
Below are the eight key areas that make up the Wheel of Life. Each represents a different aspect that influences your overall well‑being. These categories help you see, at a glance, how you feel in each area. You can adjust them based on your current priorities. The essential thing is that they reflect what truly matters to you.
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Personal Development
This area focuses on growth and continuous improvement in all aspects of your life. It includes learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and working on personal qualities. Reflecting on personal development allows you to identify areas to improve and set clear growth goals.
Ask yourself: Am I dedicating enough time to my learning and growth? What new skills would I like to acquire? How can I improve my daily habits to boost personal development? What training or reading activities can I incorporate into my routine? Am I setting achievable development goals? How can I measure my progress?
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Home Environment
Home represents the physical and emotional environment in which you live. A balanced and harmonious home greatly contributes to your overall well‑being. Evaluating this area involves considering not only the physical space but also the relationships and family dynamics that affect your quality of life.
Ask yourself: Do I feel comfortable and safe at home? Are home relationships healthy and supportive? What changes can I make in my environment to improve my well‑being? Am I dedicating enough time to organizing and cleaning my space? How can I improve living together with household members? Which aspects of my home’s physical and emotional environment need more attention?
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Health
Evaluating your health means considering multiple aspects such as diet, exercise, rest, and stress management. Reflecting on these factors helps you identify patterns that need adjustment to improve overall well‑being. A proactive approach to your physical and mental health is crucial for maintaining a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle.
Ask yourself: Am I taking proper care of my body and mind? Do I have healthy eating and exercise habits? How do I manage stress and nurture my emotional well‑being? Am I sleeping enough and in a restorative way? Do I need to adjust my exercise routine? How can I improve my diet to feel better physically and mentally?
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Work and Career
Reflecting on your professional life allows you to assess not only your career satisfaction but also the balance between work and personal life. It’s fundamental to consider growth and development opportunities in your current role. Finding work that you’re passionate about and that offers harmony with other areas of your life can significantly improve your overall well‑being.
Ask yourself: Am I satisfied with my current job? Do I have opportunities for professional growth and development? How can I improve the balance between my work and personal life? Am I achieving an adequate balance between work time and rest? What aspects of my job bring me the most satisfaction? How can I better manage work-related stress?
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Friends
Authentic, high-quality friendships are essential for emotional well-being. Evaluating your friendships can help you discover the depth and authenticity of these connections. It’s important to invest time and effort into maintaining and strengthening these relationships to ensure they provide the support and companionship you need.
To go deeper in this reflection, consider: Do I have friends I can fully trust? How often do I spend quality time with my friends? Do my friendships uplift me or drain me? Am I dedicating enough time to maintaining and nurturing these relationships? How can I improve communication and connection with my friends? Am I open to making new friends if needed?
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Love
In the Wheel of Life, love refers to romantic relationships and the quality of these intimate interactions. Evaluating this area involves considering aspects such as communication, emotional connection, and overall satisfaction in the relationship. A healthy, loving partnership can be a major source of emotional support and well-being.
To explore this area, ask yourself: Do I feel loved and valued by my partner? Do we communicate openly and honestly? What can I do to strengthen our emotional connection? Am I satisfied with the level of support and understanding in our relationship? How can I contribute to making our relationship stronger? Are there any conflicts we need to resolve together?
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Finances
Evaluating your financial situation allows you to analyze your spending habits, your saving capacity, and your future planning. Reflecting on these elements will help you identify areas that need adjustment to improve financial stability. Good personal finance management is key to peace of mind and quality of life.
Reflect on your finances with questions like: Am I satisfied with my current income? Am I saving and investing adequately for the future? Are my spending habits aligned with my priorities and values? What changes do I need to make to improve my financial stability? Am I managing my debts and financial commitments effectively?
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Leisure and Hobbies
Spending time on hobbies and leisure activities is essential for maintaining a healthy balance. Evaluating this area helps you consider whether you are investing enough time in activities that relax and entertain you. Adding more recreational time to your routine can boost your well-being and personal satisfaction.
To assess this area, ask yourself: Do I regularly make time for my hobbies and leisure activities? Do these activities bring me joy and satisfaction? Am I exploring new activities that interest me? What can I do to ensure I have quality free time each week? How can I integrate more recreational activities into my daily life? Am I prioritizing time for myself amid my daily responsibilities?
What to Do With the Results of the Wheel of Life
Once you’ve completed and assessed your Wheel of Life, the next step is to use the results to set goals and create an action plan. Analyze the areas with lower scores and reflect on why these areas are out of balance. Identifying the reasons behind dissatisfaction in these aspects will help you determine specific actions you need to take to improve.
After identifying which areas need attention, it’s crucial to set clear and achievable goals for each one. Break these goals into smaller, manageable objectives you can work on progressively. This will allow you to track your progress and stay motivated over time. Make sure your goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
History and Origin of the Wheel of Life
The Wheel of Life was created by Paul J. Meyer, a pioneer in the field of personal and professional development and founder of the Success Motivation Institute. Meyer developed this tool in the 1960s as part of his coaching programs, with the goal of helping people assess and improve different aspects of their lives in an integrated way.
Since its creation, the Wheel of Life has been adopted by coaches and therapists around the world due to its simplicity and effectiveness. Its intuitive design facilitates reflection and self-assessment, enabling individuals to quickly identify areas that need attention and growth. Over time, this tool has become a staple in coaching programs, personal development workshops, and therapy sessions, proving its versatility and long-term value.
