The Self-Compassion Cheat Sheet
One of the hurdles most of us run into when trying to become more self-compassionate is not knowing what “self-compassion” looks like. If you’ve ever been in a situation where English isn’t the preferred language, you’ve likely experienced having trouble finding the words to ask for/express/get what you want. Without language, it’s pretty difficult to communicate. You find yourself gesturing and pointing and feeling distressed and frustrated. So, when you’re in the process of changing your relationship to yourself, you’ll likely experience similar feelings. Remember trying to learn French or Spanish or Japanese or ASL? It didn’t come naturally; it was foreign.
For many people, the language of self-compassion is foreign. It feels weird, forced, confusing, even anxiety-provoking. But, similar to the way a new language comes more and more naturally with practice, reinforcement, and time, the language of self-compassion is the same way.
A formula I follow with myself and with my clients is as follows:
1. Empathize with your feelings
“It’s understandable that I’m feeling (insert feeling here) because (reason as to why it makes sense you are feeling that way).” Remember, this is focused on your perception. It doesn’t matter if after the fact you learn something that would have made you feel differently in the moment had you known it then. We are looking at empathizing with the feelings you are experiencing right now.
2. Explain the behavior
“It’s understandable that I (behavior you are judging, if there is one) because (reason anyone else in your shoes might have done the same thing/made the same ‘mistake,’ etc.) I’m not condoning my behavior, nor am I saying I want it to happen again. However, I accept that it has happened, that I am an imperfect human being programmed to err. I can either beat myself up, or I can recognize the value in my intentions, and choose to learn and grow from where I believe I screwed up.” Note that you are not finding a scapegoat or “making up excuses;” rather, you are recognizing the external and contextual factors that contributed to whatever you’re being hard on yourself about.
3. Acknowledge what you did do well
Don’t immediately dismiss this step and say “Nothing.” If you really can’t think of anything after an honest effort, acknowledge that something you did well was become aware something occurred that does not align with your values. Awareness is the first step in change. So, “Something I still did well was ______________.”
4. Acknowledge how you’d want things to be different next time
“Something I’d like to do differently, if I find myself in a similar experience again is ______________.” This allows us to learn from our behavior, and integrate our knowledge into a concrete, tangible change piece.
5. Find the positive
“In addition to this experience being illuminating for me due to the learning it’s provided, a positive that might come of this/has come of this is ______________.” What opportunities does this situation allow for? We all know a form of the Helen Keller quote, “When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we neglect to see the one that’s opened for us.” You might not be able to see a concrete positive just yet, but consider possibilities that might arise. Trust that something will come of it.
6. Cultivate a compassionate image
Imagine in a person or being in your life whom you have shown compassion and/or who has shown you compassion. Perhaps it’s your grandmother, your god, or your dog. Imagine what it’s like to give compassion to them, and imagine what it’s like to receive it. Thinking of this might lead you to feel vulnerable. Breathe into that softened, vulnerable place with warmth and love.
7. Find compassion for yourself
What would I say to a friend in this situation? Say it.
8. Find some more compassion for yourself
What would I say to my son or daughter in this situation? Say it. This might be very similar to what you might say to a friend, but for some people it helps them access a compassion they might not have been able to otherwise.
Give it a try (if you’re like many of us, there’s no shortage of situations you can practice). The critic in you will tell you nothing good could possibly come of your experience, or that you’re making up excuses for your behavior; but remember that as you’re likely fluent in the language of self-criticism, learning the language of self-compassion won’t make you forget how to be hard on yourself. Self-compassion is simply a tool you can add to your vocabulary so you can have the choice to use it when it will serve you better (which I think is pretty much always, but I’m a bit biased!). That’s your homework until our next Self-Compassion 101 class.
About the Author
Visualizing: How To Use Imagination To Manifest
Visualization is a wonderful tool for manifesting your desires and reaching your goals. Through vivid and detailed mental images, you can align your thoughts and emotions with what you want to attract. In this article, we explore how to effectively apply this technique to transform your life.
Table of Contents
- What Is Visualization And What Is It For?
- Difference Between Visualizing And Imagining
- How Visualization Works In The Law Of Attraction
- How To Do A Visualization To Manifest: Step By Step
- Practical Examples Of Creative Visualization
- Overcoming Obstacles In The Practice Of Visualization
- Combining Visualization With Other Manifestation Techniques
What Is Visualization And What Is It For?
Visualization is the process of creating vivid and detailed mental images of what you want to achieve in life. Unlike letting the mind wander, visualization involves an intentional and conscious focus on the specific goals you want to manifest. This practice is used in various disciplines, from sports to psychology, to improve performance and achieve goals.
Visualization serves to align your mind and emotions with your aspirations, helping you maintain a vibrational frequency that attracts your desires. When you visualize effectively, your brain doesn’t distinguish between what you imagine and reality, allowing you to experience positive and motivating emotions associated with achieving your goals. This process not only reinforces your determination but also prepares you to recognize and take advantage of opportunities that bring you closer to your goals.
Practicing visualization regularly fosters a positive mindset, helping you overcome obstacles and stay focused on your long-term goals. It’s a technique that, when integrated into your daily routine, has the potential to significantly transform the path of your life.
Difference Between Visualizing And Imagining
Visualizing and imagining may seem similar, but they have important differences. Imagining is a more casual process and often involves random thoughts or fantasies without a specific goal. Visualizing, on the other hand, is an intentional and focused act where you create detailed mental images with the purpose of manifesting a particular desire or goal. Visualization requires clarity, concentration, and a deep emotional connection to the desired outcome.
Although both imagination and visualization involve the use of mental images, their purpose and focus differ notably. Visualization is aimed at creating a desired reality through a structured and conscious process, while imagination arises spontaneously and without a clear objective. Visualizing requires a defined intention and a deep emotional connection to the result you want to manifest. This constant practice strengthens your determination and aligns your mind with your goals, increasing the likelihood of achieving them.
How Visualization Works In The Law Of Attraction
Visualization is a central tool in the Law of Attraction because it allows you to align your thoughts and emotions with your desires. When you visualize, you create detailed mental images of your goals, activating your mind and emotions in a way that these vibrations are projected into the universe. This practice reinforces your intentions and helps you maintain a clear and constant focus on what you want to attract.
When visualizing, it’s important to incorporate all your senses to make the experience as real as possible. Imagine not only how your goal looks, but also how it feels, smells, sounds, and tastes. This deep sensory immersion makes your mind accept the visualization as a possible reality, raising your vibration and facilitating the attraction of your desires.
How To Do A Visualization To Manifest: Step By Step
To perform an effective visualization, it’s important to follow a structured process that allows you to deeply connect with your desires and goals. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you create powerful and detailed mental images, aligning your thoughts and emotions with what you want to manifest.
- Define a clear goal: The first step is to identify precisely what you want to manifest. The more specific and concrete your goal is, the easier it will be to visualize. Write your goal down on paper and make sure it is clear and detailed.
- Create images of the life you want to live: Once you have your goal clear, start creating mental images of what your life would look like once you’ve achieved that goal. Visualize everyday scenes that reflect your new reality. Imagine every aspect of your life with that goal accomplished.
- Refine and specify the images: Detail the images you have created, adding all possible elements. Include colors, shapes, places, and specific situations. The more detailed your visualizations are, the more real they will feel and the more effective your practice will be.
- Connect the images with the five senses: To make your visualization more vivid, incorporate all your senses. Imagine how it looks, smells, sounds, tastes, and feels to live your achieved goal. This level of detail helps your mind accept the visualization as a possible reality.
- Include secondary characters in your visualization: Imagine the people who will be with you in this new reality. Visualize how they interact with you and how they contribute to your experience. Including secondary characters adds realism and depth to your visualization, strengthening its impact.
Practical Examples Of Creative Visualization
To inspire you to create your own visualization, here are two examples: creating the movie of your life and designing an ideal day in your perfect life. These techniques will show you how you can customize visualization according to your own aspirations and goals.
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Creating The Movie Of Your Life
Creating the movie of your life involves imagining a series of events in which you have achieved your most important goals. Visualize each scene as if you were watching a movie, with you as the main character. Imagine the details of each event, including who is with you, where you are, and what you are doing. This practice helps you establish a deep emotional connection with your goals, making them seem more achievable and real.
When practicing this technique, it’s crucial to include all the emotions and sensations you would experience while living those moments. Feel the joy, satisfaction, and pride of having achieved your dreams. The more realistic and detailed your mental movie is, the more effective it will be in aligning your vibration with the reality you want to manifest.
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Designing An Ideal Day In Your Perfect Life
Another effective method of creative visualization is to design an ideal day in your perfect life. Imagine a typical day in which all your desires have come true. From the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed, visualize every detail of what this day would look like. Include activities, interactions, and specific accomplishments that reflect your desired life.
During this exercise, pay attention to how you feel throughout the day. Imagine the peace, joy, and satisfaction that accompany each moment. By repeating this exercise regularly, you train your mind to accept this ideal version of your life as a real possibility, strengthening your ability to attract these experiences into your daily reality.
Overcoming Obstacles In The Practice Of Visualization
Practicing visualization can present challenges, such as maintaining focus or dealing with negative thoughts. One of the most common obstacles is a lack of focus, which can be overcome by creating a quiet, distraction-free environment for your visualization sessions. Using deep breathing techniques before starting can help center your mind and set the stage for effective visualization.
Another challenge is facing doubts and limiting beliefs that may arise during visualization. To overcome this, it’s crucial to identify these negative thoughts and replace them with positive and empowering affirmations. Additionally, maintaining a regular practice and being patient with yourself makes it easier to strengthen your ability to visualize clearly and effectively. Over time, these obstacles will diminish, and your ability to manifest your desires will increase significantly.
Combining Visualization With Other Manifestation Techniques
To enhance the effects of visualization, it’s helpful to combine this practice with other manifestation techniques such as meditation, affirmations, and journaling. These complementary tools can help you deepen your visualization practice and strengthen your ability to manifest your desires more effectively.
- Meditation: Calming the mind through meditation makes it easier to focus on mental images during visualization. Meditation helps create a receptive and calm mental state, which is essential for effective visualization. Practicing meditation regularly also raises your vibrational frequency, better aligning you with your goals.
- Affirmations: Incorporating positive affirmations into your routine reinforces the beliefs and emotions that support your visualized goals. By repeating affirmations with conviction and emotion, you maintain a high, positive vibration that resonates with your desires. Affirmations act as constant reminders of your intentions, strengthening your focus and determination.
- Journaling: Keeping a journal allows you to solidify your intentions and clarify your vision by writing about your goals and visualized experiences. Journaling helps you reflect on your progress, identify any blocks, and adjust your practices as needed. This tool also provides a space to express gratitude and document the positive changes in your life.
