7 Ways to Stop Overthinking
We’ve all been there. The same thought spinning around in your head, the worst case scenario playing on repeat in your mind as you stare at your phone or email inbox, unable to stop thinking about a situation or a person over and over. Maybe you are obsessing about an outcome that you want but don’t seem to be able to achieve. So what you do? You start to worry, get upset, angry, or sad, and then make a decision entirely based on a temporary emotion (like sending a rude text or email or making an angry phone call). Sound familiar? Please stop right there. Do me a favor and put your phone away.
Let me introduce you to two terrible couples: thoughts and worry paired with imagination and anger. These pessimistic couples always have something to complain about, assume the worst, and predict the darkest scenarios possible. Plus, they like to overstate and overanalyze. Would you really like to go on a couples date with them? Not really, right? Instead, you might want to try these strategies below:
1. Get active.
Start moving and get your mind off that one thought you’ve been ruminating about over and over. Meet up with your best friend or a family member. Go for a bike ride, hike, or run. Remind yourself that you can’t change or control another person’s behavior or actions; you can only control your own. Repeat after me or write it down somewhere you can find it in case of emergencies: You cannot control or influence the outcome or behavior of someone else. So get up, get moving and say hello to your best new buddies: endorphins.
2. Get social.
How about volunteering? Helping other people is one of the best ways to spread happiness. Plus, you will also benefit from it by finding your sense of purpose again through the feeling of belonging and being needed. Alfred Adler, the pioneer of Individual Psychology, termed this feeling Gemeinschaftsgefuehl. It’s a German word, which translates into community feeling. Have you tried talking to strangers next to you in a grocery line, on a bench, or on the train or bus? Studies have shown that our level of happiness increases when we talk to strangers, because we automatically put on our happy face and talk about pleasant things instead of our worries. Sound good? Let’s give it a try.
3. Get creative…and no worries about not being inspired.
Frank Tibolt once said: “We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.” Inspiration comes from within; however, sometimes we are so busy beating ourselves up for not being inspired, that we subconsciously prevent ourselves from getting inspired. Sound silly? Yes it is, so let’s stop shutting our inner voice down and start doodling, writing, sculpting, crafting, dancing, singing, knitting, or whatever you enjoy. Just make sure to shift your full attention away from your worries and focus them onto something that is more productive and lifts your mood.
4. Get loud and sing!
Turn on your favorite music and sing out loud and/or dance! This will bring you right back to happy times with your friends or family. Please note however that sad music and music which reminds you of the situation, ex-love, or friend that your thoughts have been spinning around about, are a big no and to be avoided. Those songs need to be banned from your playlist for now. Research has shown that music influences our moods and behavior. So, if you’re sad, please don’t dwell in it. Sure, you can cry about it as this helps sometimes, but don’t get caught up in it. Instead, listen to some happy or uplifting music. I prefer music I can (badly) sing along to, preferably the music of the 90s. Just the act of singing helps me stop thinking and obsessing, because I am way too busy recalling the lyrics of the song.
5. Clean up your act!
Cleaning your surroundings and putting things in order is a win-win situation in times of overthinking, because it not only cleans up your crib, it cleans up your mind also. Getting rid of stuff and decluttering is a great way to practice letting go, create space, and free yourself from stressors and things you don’t need. I usually start sorting through my clothes, trying on old treasures that I haven’t worn in years. It’s fun, keeps your hands and eyes off your phone, and it gives you time for your beautiful and fabulous self. You’ll see that the hours (and your overthinking) will pass in no time.
6. Be a bookworm.
Get lost in a great book! Dive into a fictional world or get inspired by reading the biography of someone you admire. What works for me sometimes is reading a children’s book. No kidding! It’s a great way to trick my mind and takes me right back to times of happiness, when there were no worries and no real obligations; the playful and fun time when boys had cooties and my biggest worry was to be back at home for dinner. My favorite series of children’s books is “Famous Five” by Enid Blyton. I am sure you have a favorite children’s book too!
7. Turn off your devices!
Step away from any form of social media or telecommunication. Seriously, texting is a great way to get into fights and create misunderstandings. It is not an indication of how a person feels or what words they would say to you in person. You don’t see a face and you cannot hear the tone of voice in which this message/email has been written. Remember that you are reading and interpreting this based on your current mood and past experiences with other people. Sigmund Freud called this “repetition compulsion,” so if you had negative experiences (e.g. neglect or rejection) in the past, then you are likely to interpret a “no response” from someone as being neglected. This may trigger feelings of anxiety, panic … you name it. I am sure you don’t want to fall into this trap. Really, how many times have you read an email again after a few days when you were in a completely different mood and thought, “oh jeez, and I got all worked up about this?”
Just remember, time goes by, so do worries as well as difficult and joyful times. The trick is to enjoy each and every second of it. If you really need to think and obsess about something, then think about all the things you are thankful for. It’s amazing what gratitude can do for you and your outlook on life. Besides, what gives this situation or person the right to make you unhappy? Exactly.
About the Author
What the Enneagram Is and How to Identify Your Dominant Enneatype
The Enneagram is a tool for self-knowledge that describes nine personality types, each with a particular way of thinking, feeling, and relating to the world. Its purpose is to help us understand our deepest motivations and the unconscious patterns that shape our lives. In this article, we explore what the Enneagram is, how it works, and how you can discover your dominant Enneatype to better understand yourself and grow as a person.
Table of Contents
- What Is the Enneagram of Personality?
- What Are the Enneatypes and How Are They Classified?
- What Are Wings in the Enneagram and How Do They Influence Us?
- What Does the Enneagram Symbol Represent?
- How to Discover Your Dominant Enneatype
- Self-Knowledge Through the Enneagram
- The History and Origin of the Enneagram
What Is the Enneagram of Personality?
The Enneagram is a system of self-knowledge that organizes human personality into nine main behavioral patterns, known as Enneatypes. Each person tends to live from one of these nine styles, which form during childhood as a response to an emotional wound. From there, we develop a personality that attempts to compensate for that pain, repeating beliefs, attitudes, and reactions we rarely question.
The word “Enneagram” comes from Greek and means “nine lines,” referring to the symbol that represents it. This symbol shows how the nine types relate to each other and helps us understand the changes we experience when we are emotionally balanced or unbalanced. The Enneagram is not a personality test, but rather a map that explains our automatic reactions and the psychological roots behind them.
The most valuable aspect of the Enneagram is that it not only reveals our defense mechanisms but also our potential for transformation. By identifying our dominant Enneatype, we can understand what limits us, what drives us, and what we need to evolve. For this reason, this tool is increasingly used in personal, therapeutic, educational, and professional development processes.
What Are the Enneatypes and How Are They Classified?
The Enneatypes are the nine personality types described by the Enneagram. Each one emerges from an emotional wound that shapes how we see the world and relate to others. These psychological structures are not rigid labels, but rather defense mechanisms developed in childhood to feel safe, loved, or valued. Knowing our dominant Enneatype allows us to understand what deeply motivates us, what our core fears are, and which patterns we tend to repeat unconsciously. Below, we describe each of the 9 Enneatypes in the Enneagram.
- Enneatype 1 (The Perfectionist): Their core wound is the belief that they are not good enough. To compensate, they constantly strive to do things “right,” following strict rules and high standards. They are usually responsible, ethical, and committed, but can also be rigid, critical, and prone to frustration when things don’t go as expected.
- Enneatype 2 (The Helper): They believe they must earn love by serving others. They devote themselves to caring, supporting, and being available, hoping for affection in return. While generous and empathetic, they can fall into emotional dependency and manipulative behaviors when they don’t feel appreciated.
- Enneatype 3 (The Achiever): They fear they are not worthy unless they prove their success or accomplishments. Their self-esteem is tied to performance and how others perceive them. Often efficient, ambitious, and charismatic, they may lose authenticity by adapting to expectations and avoiding vulnerability.
- Enneatype 4 (The Individualist): Their wound is the feeling of not being enough just as they are. They seek to stand out by being unique, special, and different. They experience emotions intensely and often feel misunderstood, which can lead to melancholy, envy, and disconnection from the present.
- Enneatype 5 (The Observer): Their main fear is not being able to cope with emotional demands. To protect themselves, they retreat into their minds, knowledge, and isolation. Analytical, independent, and intellectual, they may also be distant and disconnected from emotions and human contact.
- Enneatype 6 (The Loyalist): Their wound is rooted in mistrust of themselves and the world around them. They live in a state of alertness, anticipating danger and seeking certainty. Loyal, responsible, and cooperative, they can also be anxious, indecisive, and prone to relying on authority figures for guidance.
- Enneatype 7 (The Enthusiast): They avoid pain and discomfort by constantly seeking positive stimulation. They fill their schedules with plans, activities, and distractions to avoid confronting inner emptiness. Cheerful, versatile, and optimistic, they can also be inconsistent, superficial, and escapist.
- Enneatype 8 (The Challenger): They fear being hurt or controlled by others, so they adopt a stance of strength and dominance. They protect themselves by showing authority, confidence, and determination. While they can be leaders, protectors, and just, they may also come across as authoritarian, aggressive, and resistant to vulnerability.
- Enneatype 9 (The Peacemaker): Their wound lies in the fear of conflict and rejection from others. They tend to minimize themselves, avoid confrontations, and adapt to avoid discomfort. Calm, kind, and conciliatory, they may also be passive, disconnected from their desires, and struggle with decision-making.
What Are Wings in the Enneagram and How Do They Influence Us?
Within the Enneagram, each Enneatype is connected to the two neighboring types on the circle. These are known as “wings.” For example, someone whose dominant Enneatype is 5 may have a wing 4 or a wing 6. These wings don’t change the core type, but they do nuance our personality by adding secondary characteristics that broaden or balance our traits.
The influence of wings can be very strong or barely noticeable, depending on each person’s level of personal development. Some people clearly identify with one of the two wings, while others display traits from both. Wings function as extensions of the main type and often bring in abilities or resources that help compensate for certain limitations of the dominant Enneatype.
Understanding our wings not only deepens self-awareness, but also helps us better understand our inner contradictions. Through them, we can observe how our personality adapts, how we blend different traits, and how we expand our ways of responding to situations. Identifying the role of our wings is a key step toward working on ourselves with more consciousness and flexibility.
What Does the Enneagram Symbol Represent?
The Enneagram symbol is a geometric figure made up of a circle, an equilateral triangle, and a six-pointed irregular line. At first glance, it may seem complex, but each part has a deep meaning that helps us understand how this system works. The nine points around the circle represent the nine Enneatypes, and their placement is not random—they reflect a logical order related to energy and transformation.
The triangle connects points 3, 6, and 9, forming what is known as the “inner triad.” This shape represents three fundamental forces in the human being: action, emotion, and thought. The six-pointed figure (connecting points 1-4-2-8-5-7) illustrates the internal movement between types, showing how we shift depending on our level of balance or stress. This dynamic pattern is key to understanding growth or stagnation within each personality.
Beyond its shape, this diagram shows that we are in constant transformation as human beings. Rather than labeling us, the symbol invites us to see that we are always evolving—either growing or getting stuck. Visualizing how the Enneatypes relate to each other allows us to better understand our inner transitions and the possible paths for conscious evolution.
How to Discover Your Dominant Enneatype
Discovering your dominant Enneatype is not about taking a simple quiz, but about observing with honesty your most frequent emotional, mental, and behavioral patterns. While questionnaires can help point you in the right direction, true understanding comes when you recognize yourself in the description of a type—especially in its core emotional wound. Identifying the type that reflects your deepest motivations and defense mechanisms is a personal process that requires reflection and sincerity.
A good starting point is to carefully read through the descriptions of the nine Enneatypes, paying attention to what makes you uncomfortable or resonates with you intensely. It’s not just about identifying external behaviors, but about detecting the inner need that drives your actions. Are you seeking approval, control, security, freedom? Observing how you react to conflict, failure, or criticism can offer valuable clues about your primary type.
It can also be helpful to complement this process with books, courses, or professional guidance. Therapists and coaches trained in the Enneagram can support your self-discovery in a more structured way. As you gain a clearer understanding of your type, you can begin working on your blind spots, reconnect with your most authentic self, and move toward a more conscious and liberated version of who you are.
Self-Knowledge Through the Enneagram
The Enneagram is not a system for labeling people, but rather a tool for understanding how we disconnect from our essence and how we can return to it. It helps us clearly see the unconscious patterns we’ve repeated for years—often the source of suffering, conflict, or frustration. By identifying our Enneatype, we gain the opportunity to stop acting on autopilot and begin making choices from a more conscious place.
The self-knowledge process that the Enneagram proposes is neither immediate nor linear. It involves peeling back layers of self-deception, acknowledging emotional wounds, and observing our defensive behaviors with compassion. It also invites us to reconnect with our essential virtues—qualities that already live within us, but which we’ve often forgotten or suppressed out of fear. This journey is not about perfection, but about authenticity and balance.
Knowing yourself through the Enneagram involves a commitment to personal growth and greater emotional responsibility. As we understand ourselves better, we also learn to understand others. This model offers a shared language to speak about the human experience—with all its light and shadow—and reminds us that beyond personality types, we all share the same longing: to live with more awareness, freedom, and meaning.
The History and Origin of the Enneagram
The origin of the Enneagram is complex, combining philosophical, spiritual, and psychological influences. While its symbol has ancient roots tracing back to Middle Eastern traditions and Sufism, its modern application to the study of personality began in the 20th century. It was the Bolivian mystic Óscar Ichazo who first structured the nine character types into a coherent system, integrating knowledge from various traditions and philosophical schools.
Later, Chilean psychiatrist Claudio Naranjo developed the model from a therapeutic perspective, incorporating concepts from Western psychology. Through his clinical experience, he outlined the traits and defense mechanisms of each type, allowing it to be applied in educational and psychological settings. His contribution was key to transforming the Enneagram into a practical tool for self-discovery. In recent decades, its use has expanded and gained popularity around the world.
