Letting Go of Ego
Dear Claudia,
I’m having trouble “awakening” to the present moment with my meditation and letting go of ego. I am plagued by anxiety and can’t just let go of it, even though I know that it is useless and unnecessary. Do you know why I can’t let go of this anxiety, or what I can do to be more at peace?
Michaela
Dear Michaela,
Many people forget that Eckhart Tolle awakened to his enlightened state the moment he realized he didn’t want to live. He was about to kill himself when he experienced his awakening, and the rest is history.
What this means is that for him to achieve presence with what he was feeling, he had to know what that was.
Often, there are unspoken feelings, sensations, and dynamics that we have not put our finger on. When you don’t yet know exactly what it is you’re feeling, you can’t always achieve presence with it.
Now, anxiety, psychologically speaking, is what’s known as a “secondary emotion.” That means we feel it in response to other, more primary emotions. Maybe sexual. Maybe aggressive. We don’t always know what that primary emotion is. That’s why we have anxiety.
I can’t tell you how many times I have helped people to discover their primary thoughts and feelings, only to witness their anxiety vanish.
And that’s when you can achieve presence with what you feel: when you know it.
The way to discover the thoughts and emotions that you are not knowing and experiencing in your conscious awareness is to allow your mind to wander, on a yoga mat, therapist’s office, or on a written page. Eventually ‒ and especially if you can be helped to accept your emotions ‒ you will land on thoughts and feelings that will feel like “aha” moments, things you did not realize or that may even feel like complete revelations. And when that happens, you will feel at peace.
You can’t attain sanity by just trying harder, exercising a positive outlook, letting go, forgiving or meditating. What you need for sanity, when reason fails, are emotional experiences. Not ideas. Experiences.
– Claudia Luiz, PsychD in Where’s My Sanity? Stories That Help
We are here to evolve, and enlightenment is not something you can turn on like a switch in your brain. It is something that requires continued meditation, continued deep knowledge of your “pain body” and continued practice in observing the ego. Don’t get discouraged – I admire you greatly for seeking answers to reconciling what is happening within you to what you recognize outside of yourself.
About the Author
Women's Circles: A Complete Guide to Getting Started
Women’s circles provide a safe environment where women can connect deeply, share their stories and support each other. These spaces facilitate personal and spiritual growth through connection and sharing of experiences. In this article we explore what women’s circles are, their purpose and how they can transform lives.
Table of Contents
- What Are Women's Circles and How Do They Work?
- The Purpose of Women's Circles
- How Women's Circles Are Structured
- Common Topics Shared in Women's Circles
- Who Can Facilitate a Women's Circle?
- The Origin and History of Women's Circles
What Are Women’s Circles and How Do They Work?
A women’s circle is a gathering of women who congregate to support each other, share experiences and work together on their personal and spiritual growth. These circles can take various shapes and sizes, but all share the common goal of providing a safe and supportive space where women can express themselves freely and without judgment.
These gatherings often include practices that foster connection and healing, such as guided meditations, symbolic rituals and creative activities. Women’s circles are based on trust and confidentiality, creating an environment where each participant feels heard and valued.
The Purpose of Women’s Circles
The primary purpose of a women’s circle is to provide a space where women can explore and develop their personal and collective power. These circles foster deep connection and emotional support, helping participants feel more connected to themselves and to each other.
In addition, women’s circles seek to promote healing and empowerment. By sharing their stories and experiences, women can release repressed emotions and find comfort in the solidarity of the group. This process of sharing and listening allows participants to heal emotional wounds and strengthen their resilience.
How Women’s Circles Are Structured
Women’s circles develop through a well-defined structure that allows participants to connect and share effectively. This structure can vary, but generally includes specific stages that facilitate the flow of the meeting and ensure that all participants have the opportunity to express themselves.
- Welcome and Opening: Begin with an introduction and a brief meditation or breathing exercise to center the group. This initial moment sets a tone of calm and connection.
- Sharing in a circle: Each woman has the opportunity to speak while the others listen attentively and without interruption. This is a key moment for personal expression and mutual support.
- Core activity: A specific activity such as a ritual, a guided meditation practice, or a group dynamic can be included. These activities foster connection and personal growth.
- Closing and reflection: The circle ends with a group reflection where participants share their experiences and learning. This closing helps to integrate what was experienced during the meeting and to strengthen the sense of community.
Common Topics Shared in Women’s Circles
The topics of conversation in a women’s circle are deeply intimate and reflect the personal and collective experiences of the participants. These topics allow women to connect at deep levels, sharing and healing together their most significant stories and emotions.
- Life stories and trauma: Women share their life stories, including traumatic events that have shaped who they are today. This exchange promotes empathy and mutual understanding. Talking about these issues in a safe environment helps heal deep emotional wounds.
- Motherhood and Fertility: Experiences related to motherhood are discussed, including the challenges of fertility and loss. Women share their joys and sorrows related to motherhood. This topic creates a supportive space for those seeking or experiencing motherhood.
- Body and sexuality: Conversations revolve around body acceptance and exploration of sexuality. Participants share their experiences and challenges in these areas, promoting a positive and healthy view of sexuality. This topic helps to break taboos and encourage self-acceptance.
- Complex family relationships: Women address difficult family dynamics and how these have influenced their lives. Strategies for managing toxic relationships and finding inner peace are discussed. This topic is vital to understanding and healing the roots of many emotional conflicts.
- Violence and abuse: A safe space is created for women to talk about experiences of violence and abuse they have suffered. Sharing these stories allows them to release their pain and find support and solidarity. This topic is crucial for empowerment and the recovery of personal autonomy.
- Dreams and aspirations: Women discuss their personal and professional dreams and goals. Sharing these aspirations allows them to receive support and motivation from the group. This topic helps participants visualize and work toward a desired future.
Who Can Facilitate a Women’s Circle?
Any woman with a desire to create a safe and supportive space for other women can facilitate a women’s circle. No specific training is necessary, although leadership skills and empathy are beneficial. The facilitator must be able to maintain order, encourage participation and ensure that all voices are heard.
The facilitator should also be aware of the importance of confidentiality and trust within the circle. Creating an environment in which all participants feel comfortable sharing their stories and emotions is crucial to the success of the group. The facilitator should be a supportive figure, guiding the discussions so that everyone feels valued and respected.
The Origin and History of Women’s Circles
Women’s circles have their roots in ancient community traditions that valued the power of the female gathering for healing and shared wisdom. In many indigenous cultures, women gathered regularly to share knowledge, perform rituals and support each other in their roles within the community. These gatherings were essential to the social and spiritual well-being of the group.
Over time, these practices have evolved and adapted to modern contexts. During the feminist movement of the 1970s, women’s circles re-emerged as spaces of empowerment and resistance. Women began to meet to discuss their experiences and fight for their rights, creating a critical support network for the movement.
Today, women’s circles continue to be a vital space for connection and personal growth. They are held all over the world, in both urban and rural settings, and cover a wide range of topics and approaches. From spiritual development to emotional support, these circles offer a haven where women can explore and celebrate their collective identity and strength.
These spaces not only allow us to share stories and experiences, but also to build a supportive community. Women’s circles provide a place where understanding, empathy and healing are fostered, continually adapting to the needs and challenges of women in every era and culture.
