When Family Ties Don’t Resonate

By: Gaia Staff  |  February 2, 2015

Are you having trouble getting along with a family member, but feel guilty trying to separate yourself from him or her?

Each individual is awakening at his or her own pace. Therefore, there are many different levels of awareness on planet earth. We all go through our own individual process on the path to healing and becoming fully empowered beings. Since we are all on different levels and frequencies on this path, a particular family member may not have a strong resonance for you.

Have you been arguing with the all-too-familiar old scripts playing out and nothing gets resolved?

Maybe you feel:

  • Repeatedly misunderstood
  • Disrespected and not heard
  • Not connected or like you are living on your own planet
  • Walking on egg shells

Ask the Tough Question

If this is you, ask yourself, “Is this a healthy relationship?” If your answer is no, then it might be time to consider that this family member is not a natural resonance for you. It doesn’t mean this will be forever.

If you decide that a particular family member is not a resonance, it does not mean they are wrong, bad, lesser than, or not good enough in any way. And, it doesn’t mean you are wrong or bad or not good enough. You don’t have to create a case for not wanting not to spend that much personal time with them. You don’t have to prove they are wrong and you are right.

You can have an understanding that this is the way it is meant to be for right now. And, in this moment you are both better off living your lives separately. You still have love and compassion for this person.

Love doesn’t go away. You can love from a distance. You don’t have to judge. You can accept this person for who they are and the choices they are making and still decide that your energy is better spent in a more resonant vibration. And, maybe that means participating in an enjoyable hobby, or quiet time reading a wonderful novel, or seeking out a like-minded group or class.

It’s okay to unhook yourself, create boundaries, and allow life to just be.

Do You Have a Guilty Belief System?

Notice if you have a belief system that says, “We are family, we must stay close.” If you do, process this belief and create a new one.

To process the guilt, try this visualization.

  • Sit down and close your eyes.
  • Breathe in and out through your nose.
  • Take a big breath and relax all of your muscles.
  • Feel the rise and fall of your belly moving with your breath.
  • Tune into your heart. Place your hands on your heart and allow your feelings of guilt to come to the surface.

Say, “Guilt you are welcome here. I want to hear what you have to say. Please express fully.”

Let the Light In

Listen to what the guilt has to say with loving and accepting ears. Allow it to fully express as much and as loud as it wants to. When you feel as if the guilt is done communicating, say, “Thank you so much for sharing and for protecting me. I love you.” Imagine pouring your own love all around the guilt and watch it dissolve back into love and light.

Say, “I choose to believe that it’s okay to spend time apart without feeling guilty. We are both responsible for our own lives and right now I feel drawn in a different direction.” Now open your eyes and stretch your arms over your head.

No judgment, no denial, no excuses, no victims, no martyrs, no aggressors, and no explanations. Following a natural resonance is being in flow.


Laurie Martin

Laurie Martin is a certified life coach, speaker, yoga teacher, and advice columnist in the Naples Daily Newspaper. Laurie is the author of three books: Language of the Heart: Unconditional Love; Living Fully Empowered; Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love, and an e-book, The Conscious Breakup Guide, Navigating Yourself Through the End of Your Relationship. Laurie is the founder of the Smile Across Your Heart Course, an online and in-person course to practice unconditional love and empowerment. Her website is: www.smileacrossyourheart.com.


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