10 Signs That You’re a Free Spirit

10 Signs That You’re a Free Spirit

When we think of the term, “free spirit,” we imagine a person who steers their own course in life, unencumbered by common burdens or concerns. Some look at those who identify as free spirits as being irresponsible or childish, though this mindset offers lessons to inform us how we can live life on our own terms. 

If you’re someone who considers yourself an independent thinker or doer, who pushes against society’s envelope and is deeply committed to finding your own path, you may be a free spirit. Are you curious as to whether the free spirit path is for you?

Ten Signs You’re A Real Free Spirit

If you identify with any of these signs, chances are you have a free spirit waiting to be let loose into the world! 

1. You’re Independent-Minded

Independent people thrive on listening to their own voices, regardless of the situation or circumstance. This key personality trait of the free spirit is a common one in innovators, entrepreneurs, and creative artists, as an independent streak also relies on a strong foundation and belief in oneself.

Are you the person in the room who always finds a new way of looking at things? Free spirits defy expectations and will always see the unexpected in equally unlikely ways. These kinds of thinkers can be great assets on a creative team, as they will always find a new way to look at an idea. Free spirits are also incredible advocates for innovation, as they are not afraid to stand up and for their ideas, no matter how much it veers from the rest of the crowd.

2. Fear Doesn’t Stop You

Dale Carnegie said, “Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.” Free spirits feel fear, but they don’t allow that feeling to be something that stops them. Instead, a free spirit will work through the fear and let it serve as a motivating factor. In fact, most free spirits will tell you that any success is not worth having unless it’s achieved with a healthy dose of moving through fear.

3. You Have a Strong Spine.

While it can be said that free spirits go with the flow of life, they accomplish it with a healthy and strong sense of self. This translates into living with intention and purpose and one that is not defined by anyone else. A free spirit walks the talk and in many cases, creates the language that makes up the talk.

4. Free From Attachment

To live as a free spirit, one has to be willing to let go, or walk away from the things that might weigh others down such as conventional relationships, careers, and other traditional trappings of modern life.

You might find a free spirit selling their material goods and living in a van, or not staying tethered to one place for very long. Or perhaps a free spirit may choose to live simply with a commitment to not participating in consumerism. Minimalism is often a choice of free spirits as this lifestyle embodies freedom from many of the things that weigh us down. Free spirits enjoy their own company and thrive on solo time, and putting themselves first.

5. Adventure is Your Middle Name.

Actually, if you’re a free spirit, adventure is your first, last, and middle name.

You thirst for new places, people, food, and experiences, so much so that you’re more often than not packing a backpack to head off to places unknown by anyone else.

Chances are pretty high that you value experiences over material possessions, and devote a significant portion of your income to travel and adventure.

young man traveler in a mountains

6. You Need Space

Do you often feel claustrophobic in indoor spaces, or choose to occupy your own space? Do you need time off from other people? Free spirits are able to sustain long periods of “alone” time and often feel hemmed in by an office, similar workspaces, or even living arrangments.

7. You Have Your Own Sense of Time

Free spirits have their own internal clock, developing an intuitive sense of time that best suits those not tethered to a time clock or regular working hours. They thrive on coming and going as they decide, rather determined by others.

8. You’re a Daydream Believer

Dream big, dream often is the free spirit’s mantra, as well as vision boards, brainstorming, and being an advocate for others to follow their passions. A free spirit friend can be a wonderful support system and role model for others to live with more purpose.

9. You’re Not a Hippie Wannabe

Some of the most successful people today that we emulate are free spirits. Think of Steve Jobs or Elon Musk, or those creative artists who expect the extraordinary as their day-to-day reality and whose free spirit energy has resulted in innovations with lasting impacts.

10. You Love Learning and Life

Free spirits thirst for knowledge, whether that is another language, a new cooking skill, or a second (or third) career. Not willing to settle for regularity, free spirits seek out the new as how they live their life. 

Being a free spirit is not limited to gender, race, sexuality, or religion. Many cultures also believe that free spirit energy is not only the realm of humans; animals and even objects can also represent and contain free spirit energy.

The most common animal associated with a free spirit is the wolf, a symbol of fierce independence,  personal freedom, and living life with power and purpose. Other animals who embody this energy are felines (large and small), coyotes, horses, eagles, falcons, and dolphins/porpoises. Objects which represent a free spirit can range from crystals, amulets, feathers, triskelions, peregrinates, the moon, wings, open delta, or yin/yang and numbers, all of which are showing up in the form of artwork, home decor, personal altar objects, and even tattoos. 

How to Access Your Free Spirit

Whether you call yourself a free spirit, are married to one or have a child with this energy, there is an abundance of tools to help you cultivate or support this valuable life resource. The number one free spirit attribute that all of us should cultivate is trust in oneself. A free spirit doesn’t question their decisions, ideas, actions, or people’s opinions, even in the face of possible failure. In fact, a free spirit will more likely go toward failure as that experience exemplifies what keeps them going – courage and being a nonconformist.

 If you’ve ever dreamed of walking away from a safe, yet boring job to a less secure yet more thrilling adventure, your free spirit is talking to you. If you’ve woken up in the middle of the night and listened to that small creative voice, your free spirit is aching to be heard. 

Here are some concrete things you can do today to strengthen your free spirit

  • Get flexible. If you rely heavily on a set schedule, loosen the reins on it and see what innovation takes hold. 

 

  • Be here. Now. Spontaneity is the trademark of the free spirit. Whether it’s one day or one week, or one year, allow yourself to live in the moment from time-to-time. This can help you learn to go with the flow and learn the free spirit’s life lesson that letting go of control can be liberating.

 

  • Embrace chaos. While being organized is all the rage these days, allowing a little bit of chaos into our otherwise orderly lives can result in more fun and flexibility, as well as a new way to look at our lives. If you spend an enormous amount of time organizing your home, your life, or your kids, it might be time to let go of overly organized or scheduled life. Allowing yourself to live with a healthy amount of mess can free you up for more free-spirited endeavors. 

 

  • Let your inner artist out. If you have always wanted to start a creative endeavor, but have held back, recognize that creativity is not only for “artists,” but can be a way to relieve stress and experience the beauty that is all around us and which free spirits see every day. Get that canvas out, write a poem, sing a song, or dance the night away and see what creativity can do for your heart, soul, and spirit. 

 

  • Be uniquely YOU. March to the beat of your own drum without much care as to what others think or do. Start with finding those who you look to as being free spirits and study them, then find your own path and most of all, enjoy the journey!

 

The good news is that living as a true free spirit is being more and more embraced in our society, with free spirit societies and gatherings providing a sense of camaraderie and support across the globe. Think of the students taking a gap year to volunteer, or the retiree starting a new career – the time is ripe to foster your free spirit energy so that you can live the best life of your choosing!



7 Tools for Managing Overwhelming Emotions

7 Tools for Managing Overwhelming Emotions

Let’s face it – sometimes emotions get the best of us. Once we are triggered, it is tough to be in pain and not do something that essentially makes it worse. It’s much easier to numb the pain temporarily, but unfortunately those coping methods tend to have negative consequences. Basically, we get into the habit of choosing short-term symptom relief rather than addressing the core issue. You know what I’m talking about. How many of you have used alcohol to cope with your feelings of stress or sadness? How many of you ended up in much worse pain the next day or, worse, by the end of the night in tears in front of people you don’t quite trust?

Other popular unhealthy coping methods include: TV, drugs, sex, cigarettes, food, gambling, prescription pills, and the ever so popular sweeping-it-under-the-rug method. I must admit these methods are very tempting, but we all know how they end. What’s worse is that we still engage in these behaviors. Why?! Well for one, these unhealthy solutions work very well in the immediate. The second reason is that they are much easier to engage in and usually come with pleasure.

What are we hiding from, though? It’s funny, but when you think about it, we are only hiding from negative emotion. What’s an emotion? Is it going to kill us? Is it going to last forever? Sometimes emotions can feel that they are going to last forever, but the answer is no. All emotions crescendo and then dissipate. They imitate movement like a sign curve. Keeping this in mind would make it a lot easier to navigate our emotions. In order to deal with overwhelming emotions it is helpful to have a tool belt to reach for in times of distress. Here are a few of these less dangerous, and unfortunately, less fun, ways of dealing with these pesky negative emotions:

  1. Put it in perspective

Sometimes when you take a step back and think about what is really important to you, the problem that you think you are experiencing becomes very small. Ask yourself, “Will I still be in this much pain in one week? A month? One year from now? Will I remember this as significant? When I die do I want to remember this as something I spent a lot of time on?

Death is the ultimate teacher. Life is precious because it is limited. Nothing is worth sacrificing our happiness for. Nothing. It is impossible to control outside events that cause disturbance within, but it is completely in our control to either hang on or let it go. When we cling or feed the negative emotion, it robs us of our limited time on this planet. You are not your thoughts, your emotions, your body, or your things. Do not let death teach you this at the last minute.

  1. Engage in an act of self love

Many people understand being physically ill and respect it as painful. If you get sick, oftentimes your loved ones will tell you, “You poor thing. Go home and take a hot bath!” But there is a double standard when it comes to being in pain from emotions. If you don’t feel well emotionally, it can be tough to find an empathetic ear. We all get scared to share our emotions at times. We are ultimately afraid to hear, “Suck it up or get over it.” These words do more harm than good. If you are not feeling well emotionally, I challenge you to engage in acts of self-love as if you were physically ill. Go home. Take a hot bath. Sleep. You never know, it might make you feel a little better to take care of yourself. The idea would be to soothe with the 5 senses. Find activities that are soothing to your each of your senses:

  • Sight: Look at the sunset
  • Sound: Listen to relaxing music
  • Touch: Get a massage or go to yoga
  • Smell: Aromatherapy in a nice hot bath
  • Taste: Eat something that brings up good memories or give yourself that treat you love!
  1. Put a time limit on it

When we are hurt it is so easy to get lost in the rabbit hole. In the rabbit hole we become the emotions and thoughts that are plaguing us. We ruminate and get lost in trying to solve a problem that is unsolvable. We feed the emotion by believing the catastrophic thoughts that come up like, “I hate him and myself for trusting him. He never liked me and was just using me the whole time. I never want to see him again. I am going to call his parents and tell them what a bad person he is.”

Instead of letting these thoughts come and go we might actually act on them. We feel so horrible that we avoid people, stay in bed for weeks at a time, drink too much, or eat too much. In order to avoid this, put a time limit on it. Tell yourself that you are going to think or talk about this problem for only one hour a day until it is resolved or you come to acceptance. Once the hour is over, choose an activity that is the opposite of the emotion you are feeling to change your mood.

If you are sad, listen to happy music. If there is anger, watch a comedy on TV. If you are stressed and tense, go take a yoga class. Everyone deserves a break from time to time. Do not let one area of your life that is causing you pain engulf your entire world. You have the ultimate control over your happiness.

  1. Let the negative energy pass through you

Negative emotion is just negative energy. It does not help to squash it down, numb it or avoid it. The only way, is to face it head on and allow it to pass through you. This takes some bravery on your part. You must allow yourself to feel the pain. There are some tools that can help while you do this. You can allow yourself to get the support you need. Oftentimes, it is very difficult to be vulnerable and admit to others that you are having a hard time. In order to move the negative energy through your body it helps to talk to another trusted person. You can also release the energy by exercising, writing in a journal, or simply relaxing your body and letting your preconceived notions of how it “should” be, go.

  1. Observe the emotion

You are not the emotion or your thoughts. You can take a step back and witness what your thoughts and emotions do when there is a disturbance. Watch the thoughts or self-talk get faster as they ask you to fix them before they become abusive. Watch the emotion crescendo and dissipate. Do not avoid. Avoidance makes the emotion and the thoughts louder. Allow yourself to have the emotion, don’t fight it, and don’t escalate it by falling down the rabbit hole and attaching to the thoughts. Eventually it will pass. You do not really need to do anything for the pain to subside. It will on its own.

By this, I do not mean that you should not deal with your problems. By all means take care of yourself and your responsibilities. Just do not make decisions when you are in a heightened state. Wait until the emotion passes and then solve the problem. You will be able to see much clearer once the intensity has lessened.

  1. Delay, distract, and then decide

This tool, created by Marsha Linehan, is useful in order to inhibit negative reaction to a negative emotion. Many times, if we make a decision in the emotion it will make it worse. Basically, any negative urge or craving lasts for about 20 to 30 minutes. Help yourself by delaying your reaction and any subsequent actions for 20 to 30 minutes with a distraction.

You can go to work, help someone else, go for a walk, take a break from the trigger, read, or watch a movie. Once the time is up, make a pros and cons list as to whether your reaction is worth doing. Usually you will decide not to react the original way you had planned. For instance, slashing your boyfriend’s tires out because he lied to you probably won’t seem like such a good idea once some of the anger has passed.

  1. Become aware of your physical and emotional vulnerabilities

Sometimes our emotions can get the best of us when we are not feeling well. Become aware of your triggers. Ask yourself if you have any physical or emotional vulnerabilities that are getting in the way of managing your emotions. Some of these vulnerabilities are: hunger, lack of sleep, injury, illness, stress, lack of support, crisis, past trauma, negative core beliefs, etc. If you notice that the current problem is escalated due to one or more of these factors you may want to try to take care of the vulnerability first in order to prevent and manage the escalation of your emotion.

Embrace Your Emotions

My wish for us all is to start viewing negative emotion as an opportunity to practice these new skills rather than allowing the emotion to be a threat to our self-concept or survival. We do not have to fight and we do not need to flee (run or avoid). I hope that one or more of these resonates with you, and the next time you are in the emotion, you can remember to pull this list out of your wallet. Remember that it will pass, it is ok to have the emotion, and above all else you don’ t necessarily need to do anything. Let go and let it pass through you, because it will!

If you would like to learn more please visit or contact me at Good Therapy San Diego.

This article was inspired by The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

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