Enduring an Inscendent Transformation
Several weeks back I came across a quote from Viktor Frankl that stated with profound simplicity, “What is to give light must endure burning.” His words sat with me, weighted in presence, and working an image at the center of me readied with the intention of shaping and molding my immaterial self like a piece of clay. I rolled each word over my tongue like a cherry seed, smoothing each of them out so that I might absorb the rich wisdom within.
Finding Your Center
Not too long ago, sitting in council with fellow journeyers embarking upon a deep, inscendent dive toward soul retrieval as David Whyte put it, “the center of the image you were born with,” I stated part of my heart’s longing: to burn so brightly that I might light the ground afire. Before having made this soul-derived statement, I could hear a voice throbbing within every cell of my being, as if each had a heartbeat all their own. This voice sent two resounding questions out through the terrain of my body, over the plains of my skin, through the canyons of my heart and the rivers of my blood. It cried “Why are you tempering your flame? Why are you dimming your light?” To these questions came an answer wholly authentic and unexpected. Through the swell of tears, my response arrived gracefully on the wings of breath: “For fear that I will burn those around me whom I love most!”
Stirrings such as these, resting like precious gems in the rich darkness of the psyche, wait for the self realization that we are natural born miners. Images flicker through an ocean of mystery, and beckon us toward them. Tapping into the reservoir of a knowing sense that rests outside of logic or reason, such self-reclamations can only arrive if we give them the space to lick at the air of our soul and grow in power and prominence.
I have been allowing the imagery of these gifted words to work themselves upon me. I sit and imagine my entire body as a breathing flame. Every inch of my skin glowing and pulsing with the warmth and radiance of fire. In that moment of non-linear retrieval, I had unearthed a message unrecognizable by my conscious, analytical mind. How could I possibly burn those around me? And, what fear pressed in upon my own spirited flame like a snuff to a candle?
What is to give light must endure. In order to burn brightly, I have needed to learn how to live for myself. Quite often, we’re taught philosophies and methods on how to live for others, how to be in service to others. The events of my life, and their unfolding, carried me through a sea of relationships that asked of me all of my time, energy and support. I became a well-adjusted caregiver and taker, with ineptitude for being there for myself. Giver in the sense that I genuinely sought to contribute to this world the offerings of my soul so that I might support the “Great Turning” Joanna Macey speaks of. Taker in the sense that I came to believe as a child that in order to stay safe, in order to survive, it was crucial that I be needed by others.
Letting Go and Standing in Truth
My greatest challenge yet involves a reconstituting of the cellular configuration that makes me me. It involves an obliteration of a self so codified by years of diligent practice that to live for myself means diving down through the dark, consuming depths of mystery. To swim with the night travelers of the deep that echo calls of connection and sing songs of longing. My task, like so many others before me, begins with my ever-expanding capacity to endure. To endure living in a way that feels completely contradictory in nature. To endure the reshaping and refashioning of a lens that promised safety. A mode of being that up until now did, in fact, protect me.
To stand in my truth, to safeguard that which is precious, innocent and free, to bring forth the most beautiful, fragile and wild aspects of my own “I” has meant letting go of a role that forced such aspects of self to be sent away, hidden from my conscious awareness. Such aspects of self send forth aching cries filled with longing and delight. They wait for us to circle back around, to brave the unknown, to invite what society at one point or another deemed unacceptable, unsavory and unbefitting to be so openly alive and vibrantly awake in the world. Yet, it is these aspects of self that allow us to live more wholly embodied. And, it is our integrated embodiment that becomes our very own gift to the world, our contribution to the Great Turning, an offering from the center of the image we were born with.
Maturation involves a lifetime of shedding old ways of inhabiting the world in the hope that we will transform through each letting go. Some layers are easier to shed than others. Yet the more we mindfully lay the discarded skin to the side, resting gently upon the soil of potential, the more graceful our transitions become. Exposing our newly born selves to a raw and writhing world of possibility is something to be endured, until it is not. When we no longer endure, one could perceive this as assimilation and integration of what once was foreign, taking it into ourselves in such a way that it becomes a natural extension like an arm or a leg.
A Newly Found Shape
In every beginning, every new way of being, living, thinking, breathing, feeling, sensing, believing – each of these must first have their way with us. Each of these must work our psyches like a piece of clay, pounding and folding our sense of self so that we can arrive more fully formed. Once worked by the hands of this mysterious existence, the very breath of the Universe sweeps in, drying our soft exterior. A solidifying of form occurs, where we gain assurances that this is who we are by the way life responds to our newly found shape! The paradox is that once we have been molded, there is but a window of time for this new shape to exist. Then, without always inviting such transformations, the shape once believed to be the “I” cracks and crumbles. Left to sift through the pieces, we arrive back at the beginning, awaiting life’s next experience to reshape who we are.
My question to you is what in your life are you enduring? What aspects of self are you recovering? What pieces of soul are you willing to dive down into the rich, dark mystery of life to retrieve? And, if you do retrieve them, are you ready to offer up such a gift to the rest of the world?
About the Author
Living With an Open Heart
There is something so undeniably beautiful when I look into the darkness and deep hours of the night, when the world around me is completely silent. Tonight, as I stare into our backyard through our moon room, I see a reflection that represents my heart. It is the light that shines from the moon, illustrating that even when there is darkness there is eternal light.
As I continue to lose myself in the glow of the moon, I feel a peace that is simple and all-knowing; all the answers are right in front of me. This reflection of silence in the night offers up my most raw truth, one that even my ego cannot deny. When I feel this truth so deeply, I want to press pause; I know that as the night blends to greet the morning sun it may, once again, be disguised by many layers. This is when I love to sit at my desk and release every ember of a thought that wants to meet paper. Sometimes it turns into a story, sometimes I feel like it may be a “Jerry McGuire moment” in the making, but right now it feels healing.
Find Your Light of Love
Deep inside all of us is a brilliant light of love. This gift of love never has to be figured out, fixed, or solved – it just is. It is when I relinquish control and completely surrender that I know I am in my truth because I am not in charge. In this moment I trust that everything is as it divinely should be. It is a true invitation to follow suit, to look at a new path regardless of any boundary I may have created for myself.
When I think back to the moments in my life when I have been entirely present, they have been when I surrendered fully, was extremely vulnerable, and didn’t worry how that vulnerability would be received. I wish every day could be this spiritually in shape, but it is because of these moments that I know there are endless possibilities. I know that I am the only person in my way, and that is extremely humbling and inspiring all at once.
A Guide for Opening & Connecting
Learn the art of mindfulness and loving kindness — the foundations for living with an open heart — in The Yogi’s Heart, a guide for opening and connecting. For it is only when you approach life from a place of openness can you embody connectedness with all things.
Embrace Vulnerability
It is not easy to be raw in our everyday lives. We don’t like to see ourselves vulnerable, even when the world around us whispers that we are safe. We have been taught to always have it together, have it all figured out, separate ourselves from the pack, and, most importantly, be successful by a societal standard. We actually get angry when we believe others are not living life the “right way.” However, after we strip away all the insecurities and boundaries, it is easy to realize we are all craving the same thing – unconditional love, understanding, and compassion. We are begging for someone to throw us a rope when the rope is already present.
This space of love exceeds all limiting beliefs of religion, race, and class. It is a platform that seats our soul as we share the message. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we really are in our soul. We want those around us to understand that we are doing our best even if it goes unnoticed in the eyes of another. We want the world to understand our experiences have shaped who we are. We secretly beg for others to meet us where we stand with compassion and kindness, but unfortunately, this gets misunderstood in our fanfare of costumes and roles.
Release Judgments
I don’t believe anyone would consciously admit he or she judges another to make his or her experiences more justified, or that we choose to make decisions based on what others think is the right way. But sometimes, we get caught in the crossfire. We judge others because we are trying to build our own story. We try to identify how we are different to still the voice that has been trained to see this as an opportunity to be better. We use all kinds of boundaries to shape how we have it right and others have it wrong. Here’s the simple answer: we ALL have the gift of light inside of us. No one is EVER more ahead than another; it is not a line we travel but a cycle that has no beginning or end. When we release and surrender, the boundaries wash away. What is left is a light of raw, unconditional love that was always present.
Embrace What Is
The biggest question becomes how do we live in this light? How do we let go of the boundaries the ego has created? In this moment of living truth it goes beyond an answer. It just is.
God, a higher power, the Universe – whatever you have named your light is pure love. It is a space that has no conditions or power. It is a space that doesn’t care if you are a lawyer or doctor, rich or poor, mean or kind, or if you think you have it all figured out. This space doesn’t care if you think you are a better parent than another, have it more together, or if you’ve had it harder and no one understands. Most importantly, this space doesn’t care if you think love is a word hippies use to justify their disconnection from the world or if this word is so powerful you can’t say it at all. The best part is that this space is always here for you, just as the sun is always burning brightly no matter what the day may suggest. This space is limitless without boundaries or conditions; it is the most powerful space.
What I know is that in the moments of my imperfect thoughts, I feel this space and I know that every breath presents an opportunity to leave the old behind and build from this source of love. We can choose to go there in moments while we chip away at the boundaries, or we can jump in with both feet. No matter which way you choose to shift, this space will always be waiting for you. I use this thought every day to elicit compassion for myself. I use the mantra I lean on love. I use every opportunity to peel back more layers of myself. As I do, I begin to see the levels of attachment I and others have in the roles I play. I have to completely let go and know that my heart is full of love. This means no longer trying to justify where I am coming from, no longer being afraid of how others will receive me, and no longer trying to define my life. It means living in the present moment. I can’t give myself a better gift.
Take pause, close your eyes, and listen to your heart. This space of love is always present. It doesn’t take prayer or asking for guidance to get there. It is just a matter of listening.
Peace to you in your journey!
