Loving Without Attachment to the Ego
This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!
If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.
Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.
My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.
In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.
5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego
- Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you
- Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.
- Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.
- Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.
- Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).
Experiment and enjoy!
About the Author
The Five Chinese Zodiac Elements: How To Discover Yours And The Meaning Behind It
In Chinese culture, balance is a central concept. As energy flows in one direction, it naturally ebbs in another, creating a dynamic equilibrium. This idea is woven into practices like Feng Shui, traditional Chinese medicine, and holistic healing, where harmony in relationships—both internal and external—is essential. The Five Elements Theory, or Wu Xing, emerged during the pre-Qin period (770 BC – 221 BC) and forms the philosophical foundation for many aspects of Chinese thought and practice. The five elements—Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water—are considered the fundamental building blocks of the universe, constantly interacting in cycles of generation and control.
Similar to how Western astrology uses horoscopes, each element in Wu Xing has its own traits, associations, and symbolic meanings. No element is inherently superior; instead, each possesses distinct strengths and weaknesses and plays a vital role in maintaining universal balance. According to Five Elements Theory, all things originate from and eventually return to the universe through these elemental forces, which is why understanding our personal connection to them is so valuable.
Applications of the Five Elements Theory include:
- Traditional Chinese Medicine
- Feng Shui
- Fortune-Telling and Astrology
- Martial Arts
- Cosmology and Natural Philosophy
Understanding the Chinese Elements Cycle
Each of the five elements—Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water—stands independently, yet each influences and shapes the others. The world’s dynamic balance is guided by how the elements generate and control one another. The Generating cycle promotes growth and transformation, while the Controlling cycle maintains balance by regulating excess. Together, they create harmony when in proper alignment.
For example:
Generating Cycle (Shēng Cycle):
- Water feeds Wood.
- Wood fuels Fire.
- Fire makes Earth (i.e. ash).
- Earth produces Metal.
- Metal carries Water.
Controlling Cycle (Kè Cycle):
- Wood separates the Earth (i.e. roots).
- Earth absorbs Water.
- Water smothers Fire.
- Fire melts Metal.
- Metal penetrates Wood.
