Loving Without Attachment to the Ego


By: Gaia Staff  |  February 26, 2009

This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!

If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.

Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.

My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.

In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.

5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego

  1. Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you

  2. Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.

  3. Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.

  4. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.

  5. Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).

Experiment and enjoy!


 

Alexandra Goldwell

 
The Shanti Counselling Centre welcomes Alexandra Goldwell as a clinical associate. Alexandra’s interest in psychology was driven by her quest to understand human nature and our society. After receiving her Masters degree in Counselling Psychology at UBC she was left feeling somewhat disappointed by the limits of Western Psychology. As a result, she began to vehemently pursue energy medicine, meditation, yoga, and Eastern ways of knowing in order to further understand the body-mind-emotional system and for her own personal growth. Alexandra tends to blend Eastern and Western methods in walking with people through various life challenges.
Alexandra’s work experience has ranged from social work with children and families, to street-work with adolescents, to individual and couples work in private practice. Her therapeutic style is client-centered infused with mindfulness and body-centered psychotherapy. Alexandra places emphasis on self-awareness and self-acceptance for those people she sees in counseling and also offers an inquisitive and non-judgmental presence wherein each individuals’ internal wisdom can arise. In her spare time, Alexandra would most likely be found walking by the ocean, dancing in her living room, cooking, or having tea with friends.
Alexandra’s expertise and clinical interest cover a diverse range of issues, including (but not limited to):
Intimate relationships (partners, sibling, parent/child, co-parents)
Adolescent Issues
Sexuality and sexual issues
Addictions
Grief and loss
Spiritual development and inquiry, spiritual expansion
Parenting
Anxiety
Anger
Illness and healing
Feelings of separation, divergence, lack of fit
Loneliness and social isolation

The Shanti Counselling Centre welcomes Alexandra Goldwell as a clinical associate. Alexandra’s interest in psychology was driven by her quest to understand human nature and our society. After receiving her Masters degree in Counselling Psychology at UBC she was left feeling somewhat disappointed by the limits of Western Psychology. As a result, she began to vehemently pursue energy medicine, meditation, yoga, and Eastern ways of knowing in order to further understand the body-mind-emotional system and for her own personal growth. Alexandra tends to blend Eastern and Western methods in walking with people through various life challenges.Alexandra’s work experience has ranged from social work with children and families, to street-work with adolescents, to individual and couples work in private practice. Her therapeutic style is client-centered infused with mindfulness and body-centered psychotherapy. Alexandra places emphasis on self-awareness and self-acceptance for those people she sees in counseling and also offers an inquisitive and non-judgmental presence wherein each individuals’ internal wisdom can arise. In her spare time, Alexandra would most likely be found walking by the ocean, dancing in her living room, cooking, or having tea with friends.Alexandra’s expertise and clinical interest cover a diverse range of issues, including (but not limited to):Intimate relationships (partners, sibling, parent/child, co-parents)Adolescent IssuesSexuality and sexual issuesAddictionsGrief and lossSpiritual development and inquiry, spiritual expansionParentingAnxietyAngerIllness and healingFeelings of separation, divergence, lack of fitLoneliness and social isolation
 


 

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