Loving Without Attachment to the Ego

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This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!

If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.

Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.

My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.

In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.

5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego

  1. Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you
  2. Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.
  3. Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.
  4. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.
  5. Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).

Experiment and enjoy!



What is the Meaning of Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

In times of great change and global uncertainty, we are sometimes at a loss to find stability and peace within. Yet, we are supported endlessly by the wisdom of the ages. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu is a mantra of power that assists us in our spiritual evolution and acts as a blessing for the world.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu is a Sanskrit mantra which means:

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.”

By chanting this mantra, we move from our personal self and radiate a prayer of love for the world around us. It takes us from the egoic, little self, and its limited world view, and radiates from us global wellbeing. It is a reminder we are a part of the universe and can positively impact all of creation.

Though not a traditional Vedic mantra, Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu is a Sanskrit prayer (or sloka). It has been used for many centuries to invoke greater states of compassion and peace. Often said at the end of yoga practices, its an invocation for personal and collective peace. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” may be the closest Western equivalent. Yet, the impact of this ancient mantra is far grander than simple human kindness.

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