Loving Without Attachment to the Ego

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This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!

If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.

Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.

My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.

In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.

5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego

  1. Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you
  2. Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.
  3. Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.
  4. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.
  5. Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).

Experiment and enjoy!



Qigong: Centuries Old Wisdom for Modern Times

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Modern life is busy and stressful. The speed in which we live can be exhausting and the catalyst for a host of ailments. In our chronically overscheduled lives, learning to cultivate a sense of balance can be difficult. However, there is an ancient solution to this very modern problem: Qigong, a centuries-old method viewed as a way to find peace, balance, mindfulness and a way to tap into one’s life energy. 

Originating in China, qigong is actively practiced around the globe by people of all ages; from those seeking increased flexibility, health, spirituality, improved posture, and ease of movement. What is qigong and how has this “life energy” form of exercise become such a popular form of self-care? 

Qigong can best be described as a gentle form of martial arts that unites breathing, movement, and meditation. According to the National Qigong Association, qigong is not one form. It literally has hundreds of styles and applications, traditions, practices, and lineages. What is agreed upon is that, at its center, qigong is a philosophy based on two essential aspects: qi, the subtle breath or vital energy; and gong, a skill cultivated through steady practice working to stimulate our Meridian system.

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