Loving Without Attachment to the Ego
This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!
If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.
Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.
My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.
In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.
5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego
- Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you
- Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.
- Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.
- Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.
- Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).
Experiment and enjoy!
About the Author
Who was Ram Dass? The Wonderful, Magical, “Be Here Now” Guru
“Turn on, Tune in, Drop out.” Timothy Leary, the superhero of psychedelic drugs, died in 1996, while one of his partners in consciousness-expansion, Dr. Richard Alpert, a.k.a. Ram Dass, has since grown, expanded, lived, and thrived. (He has since passed in December of 2019.)
This is not to say that Alpert didn’t have a few issues along the way. Instead, it’s to note that his mission appeared to be broader, deeper, and with a longer tail. It’s entirely possible Alpert lived as long as he did in loving abundance because his teachings are still relevant and inspiring, possibly more than ever.
Dying to oneself sometimes requires retreats, rituals, deep self-exploration, daily meditation, and disappearing for a while. It might also involve a name change.
Richard Alpert was no longer Richard Alpert … after an extensive exploration of psilocybin, LSD, and other psychedelic chemicals, Alpert began to see behind the Wizard’s curtain. He fell in love with India, found his eternal master in the form of a guru, consumed a wealth of his spiritual sustenance, and in a relatively short period, Dr. Alpert grew spiritually and became Ram Dass.
