This article is part of the <a href="/search/sp/claudia confidentially" target="_blank">Claudia Confidentially series</a>.
I get that when you are trying to be healthy – whether stopping smoking or eating properly – that you will go through withdrawal. So I have tried to be patient with my wife who has been trying to be healthy. But I’m reaching the end of my rope. I feel like she’s using this as an excuse to let herself be short tempered all the time. I asked her last night if she could bring me a glass of water since I had to take some ibuprofen for a sore foot, and that brought such looks of disgust, you would have thought I’d asked her to bake a cake for thirty people. At what point do you say enough is enough and demand some kindness and respect?
Losing patience in New York
Dear Losing Patience,
The point at which you say enough is enough is exactly now, because you have indeed lost your patience. There’s no point in pretending this is not the case – it’s better to know it. There’s no right or wrong about this: only what is.
Here’s what to say when you have lost your patience: "I’ve lost my patience."
Here’s what NOT to say when your patience is thin: "You are too much."
Put it on yourself, because if it’s about you, she can understand you. She’ll want to help you. But she won’t want to know she’s awful. That will just make her worse.
If you should want to buy yourself some more patience, here’s some inspiration: the time we most need our spouse to be patient with us is precisely when we are short-tempered. Because that’s the time it’s hardest to attract positivity. There is no spouse more loving and dear than one who can withstand the bad. And sometimes, that’s what leads fastest to the good.
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
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